You can’t give from an empty well.
There is a clear difference between being selfish, self centered and taking time to rejuvenate yourself. To me it’s the difference where one is the end in itself and the other is a means to an end. We woman have such a nurturing spirit that we always want to help serve and cater. Especially as mothers and wives we are always trying to support our children in their dreams and also our husbands in their goals sometimes we may forget about our own. Sometimes I even feel guilty that I have my own dreams and goals that I want to accomplish and am working towards.
But very often I have come across women who are burnt out and tired and exhausted because they are running around catering to those around them and have taken little to no time to look after ourselves feeling unappreciated for years of selfless service.
I had the mentality that if I take time to care for myself I am not being a good mother and all time should be to help my family. I shouldn’t dress up and put make up because that will mean I’m worrying and spending too much on myself and that is selfish. Sometimes I would even feel guilty for going to the gym because that is time away from my family although I would go in the morning before they woke up. Taking care of myself was the always the last priority, and any time should be used with husband baby even if that meant I was run down and awful to be with. It came to a breaking point where I just drove myself crazy being inside the house all the time with baby and my patience just wore thin with her, I would dread being at home all day long and be miserable when my husband finished work.
“It’s a not a luxury, it’s a must which you shouldn’t feel guilty about. Mums especially are good at shuffling themselves to the bottom of the pack and naturally looking after family and friends before themselves.” Lorraine Thomas, Chief Executive of the Parent Coaching Academy.
Things to Remember:
- Me Time isn’t selfish but it does allow you to share your whole self with those you love. If you don’t allow time to rest and refuel then what you give your family isn’t your personal best
- Self-care is an important part of motherhood. Whether its reading a book alone, going to the gym, or getting a pedicure, looking after your physical will help you feel better inwards. Your confidence will increase and help you feel like you have life by the horns! (even if it’s only for 30mins)
- Your children benefit directly from your personal growth. Growing your life allows you to share more of you with your children. Your children will be able to learn that they need some time out too.
- You don’t have to wait till bed time to have “Me time.” You can sneak it in throughout the day when baby is at the park I take my book along in case she leaves me alone for more than 5mins.
The biggest lesson I learnt is that I can’t be dependant on other people for my happiness. I am my own creator of happiness. I can’t expect my husband to make me happy all the time or my children or job or friends. When all is said and done and you have nothing left in the world the only person to make you happy is yourself and if you can’t make yourself happy who else will?
At some point or numerous points in our lifetime we will come across a time when we will need to forgive others for wrongs that have been done against us. But many a time there will also be times when we will need to ask for forgiveness for wrongs we have done against others.
Forgiveness is a pill that we all need to swallow at some point so we too can benefit from it later on. To me it’s a double edge sword, I think that if I hold a grudge against someone I am hurting them but little do I realise the only person that I am hurting is myself. I heard a quote once that not forgiving somebody is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. It’s so true when we don’t allow that person to be forgiven our freedom is taken away, we are letting that person govern our feelings instead of us taking control. The funny thing is the person that we have the grudge against majority of the time doesn’t realize we have it and our living a happy life unknown to your bitter feelings towards them. These bitter feelings can also cause other problems such as health problems, depression, anxiety if we don’t choose to release them through forgiveness.
I the Lord will forgive whomever I want but of you it is required to forgive all men.
How can we forgive someone who has hurt us?
- Take a step into their shoes many times people have their own issues they don’t realise. They may be reacting to problems that are going on internally. Having compassion and understanding and sympathy for them will help you forgive them and you may be able to help them come to a realisation of their actions.
- Take a look at the bigger picture. Has there been a time you have needed forgiveness? Ask yourself how would I feel if I wasn’t forgiven?
- Write a letter to that person. This doesn’t have to be sent to them this can be just for you to express your feelings towards this person and once its written you may want to burn it to symbolize your letting go and forgiving them.
- Pray for the spirit of forgiveness. Pray ask God to help you see that person how God views them. If you can envision this person in Gods eyes you may be able to develop a greater love for that individual.
Remembering that forgiveness is a two way street. Forgive in order to be Forgiven. Just because you forgive it doesn’t mean you will forget. And Forgiveness can take a long time for some people. It took my a couple of years to forgive somebody who is very close to me. We are all in our own journey of forgiveness but once you can release it you will gain freedom to move forward and have power of your life so you are not a victim to circumstances.
Forgiveness may cost you your pride but not forgiving will cost you your freedom
Best Wishes my lovelies! xox
Nobody is Exempt
Yes we all go through it, there are always going to be trials and hardship that we come across in our lifetime. It’s the reality of being human. To be honest I have never come anybody EVER that has not come across the bitter pill of adversity whether it was a loss of a loved one, depression, loneliness, or financial burdens etc… But just because we all go through it to some degree or another it doesn’t mean we should sweep it under the rug and try not to understand why we go through them.
A Continuous Transformation Process
Adversity is part of a continuous cycle we face being humans. This process is made up of 3 main steps, firstly experiencing and recognizing the hardship, weaknesses and flaws within us, second the transformation and change journey and lastly enjoying growth and reflection. Don’t worry it’s not over yet this cycle repeats itself over and over again many times throughout our life and as we continue to recognize more things we need to work on. From every hardship we go through we learn and can become a better person from that experience. (Also check out Grit Growth and Gratification blog post for an in-depth explanation of this transformation process.)
Take over the Reigns
There are some things that are just out of our control but we will only hurt ourselves if we worry about that which is out of our control. What we can work on and focus on is that which we do have control of which is ourselves our mindset and how we handle the adversity. We can choose to crawl up into a little ball and hope it will pass by or we can take it a day or a minute at a time. Here are some ways to have a positive outlook during this whole process.
Gratitude: One way to help you through adversity is to look at what there is good going on. Notice the small changes and celebrate the small progress.
Think Big: Look at the bigger picture. Look at where you are going how far you come sometimes just looking at today isn’t enough to show how much you have grown and developed.
Service: Helping somebody else in worse off situation helps you realize that there are other people suffering more than you
Support System: Lock in a good support group to be your cheer leaders along the way. We all need family or friends who will help us on this journey especially when you are feeling like you just want to give in.
Best Wishes my lovelies! Go rock the world!
We all have them.. that negative inner voice that says
You aren’t smart enough
You aren’t brave enough
You aren’t pretty enough
You aren’t social enough
YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH
LIMITING BELIEFS are also disguised as
- Negative Thoughts
- Beliefs conditioned from culture or family
- Thought Patterns
- Perfectionistic Thinking
- Past failures
You are enough! And you can overcome these belief systems that hinder you from your true and ultimate potential. Look back in your life there are bound to be numerous examples when you decided that these belief systems were not going to rule your life. For me it was going to university and graduating from university.At one point I questioned if I was really smart enough and committed to go there and graduate. In relationships I would think am I am I doing enough to be loved? Do I even deserve to be loved?
These limiting beliefs have come from everywhere and anywhere, we have picked them up throughout our childhood and held on to them to define us. For me during my late teens it was such a simple sentence that this ignorant boy used “YOU CAN’T TALK TO ME UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE THIS SUPERMODEL ON THE FRONT COVER OF THIS MAGAZINE” Even today this still haunts me as I have translated it to mean, I can’t accomplish anything great unless I look like her. Or sometimes I think okay once I lose weight I will definitly get the dream job or the success that I am looking for. Which it totally BULL!!!!! Our self limiting beliefs may have come from our environment, family, friends or even the media. As time goes on these beliefs get stronger and stronger and get proven time and time again because we live them and turn them into reality.
Can you imagine your life if you had no limiting beliefs, where your mind is an open and blank canvas. What would you do differently? Where would you be? Who would you become? Here are some steps and ideas to help you overcome your limiting belief systems.
- Think of a Dream, Goal you have but have failed to achieve
- What is your biggest excuse or reason for failure?
- Dig Deep and ask why do you use that excuse?
- What has made you accept that as your excuse?
- How is this belief or excuse helping me?
- What are things I can accomplish if I didn’t have this belief?
- What are the consequences if I stay with this belief?
- How would I feel if I overcame this belief?
- How would my life be different if I overcame this belief?
- Why should I change now?
- Am I committed to this new future?
These are questions to ask yourself as your evaluate whatever you limiting belief is. Whatever is holding you back is always just in your head. You do have the power to change your thought process and define your own future. If you have any further questions on this I would love to hear from you. Feel free to message me or comment below!!!
As part of my 5 Values this year one of them being edifying my mind I am endeavouring to read a book a month and so here is my Book Review for January! This book was awesome in terms of helping me recognize things that I needed to work on in terms of working with people and communicating and understanding people.
There are so many things that I know I need to work on but here are the two main ideas that I know I really got from this book. The first idea is based on these two quotes.
“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”
“God himself sir, does not propose to judge people until end of their days so why should you and I”
I love this idea as it’s an awesome reminder those who don’t know how to control their tongue in the end is the biggest fool. It takes little to no self control to just blurt out criticism, complain and judge people but it really takes character to be able to try and understand other people and their prospective.
“A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still”
This is also another awesome idea that I am struggling with. Telling somebody they are wrong isn’t always the best way to help them believe in your prospective so learning how to express your views tactfully and helping them convince themselves of your idea is ultimately the best way. This means a lot of patience and perseverance and understanding.
Have you read this book yet? What were your favourite ideas? Would love to hear!!!!!
Keep being amazing, Keep learning, growing and becoming the best YOU!!!
Our world is filled with so much negativity. It’s everywhere and can be suffocating if we let it, illness, depression, heavy work load, strained relationships or even world news. But with every problem we can always try and tackle it with some good old positivity, yeah I know it won’t make the problems go away but it may be able to help you bear the challenges are little better! Today I just wanted to share some tips on ways I try to squeeze in some bits of positivity throughout my day.
1. Start Right
Starting your day off to the right foot can make a massive difference in your day. First things first. Start the day with the things most important to you whether it’s through prayer, scripture reading or meditating or exercise incorporate this into your morning ritual. You will notice your day goes much smoother and feels satisfying. If you need to get upan hour b before the whole house wakes up do it!
2. Clear Clutter
Cleaning at least one area in the house will help you feel good about yourself. I know when you have kids sometimes it’s too easy to have a messy house. For me to keep myself sane I just clean one area and ban everybody from going there whether it’s my bedroom or a living room area. Having just a clean area can help you invite positive vibes into your environment.
3. Listen to Positive
Throughout the day if I am cleaning, organizing or eating I like to listen to motivational or uplifting podcasts. Generally I like to listen to these sometimes instead of music. Listening to these podcasts help with mood and also help educate me in so many ways. Podcasts are easier as I don’t have to sit in front of a screen, usually I do it when I am doing mundane tasks around the house or even better when I am driving long distances. Here is a list of self-improvement podcasts you should check out. My favorite is Christine Hassler she has been a help for me in getting clear with setting purpose and goals.
4. Act of Kindness
Do something nice for somebody else. When you help somebody it will ALWAYS I can guarantee, it will make you feel good and uplift you to a state of greater happiness. It is a WIN-WIN situation and it’s contagious. Doing a conscious act of kindness will give you the boost especially when you are feeling down and out!!!
What are ways that you maintain positivity in your life? Would love to hear your thoughts!!! Comment and Share if you found this useful!
This post was sponsored by www.allthingspodcast.com. Check them out for all things you need to know about podcasts.
It is not happy people who a grateful it is grateful people who are happy!
Gratitude is a medicinal emotion, it lifts us up elevates our mood and fills us with real joy
Researchers are finding that those who exhibit and express the most gratitude are happier, healthier, and more energetic. Grateful people report fewer symptoms such as headaches, stomach-ache, nausea, even acne, and spend more time exercising! And the more a person is inclined towards gratitude, the less lonely, stressed, anxious and depressed he or she will be.
Gratitude helps us live a happier and enjoyable life. Being grateful for all that you have helps you feel abundant and to recognize what you have is enough.
Gratitude gets rid of comparing yourself to others, especially with lots of people on social media posting all their edited photos. Gratitude helps us be grateful for what we have and embrace what we have and not worry about what those around us have.
The other day we came from a little vacation and our heating system was down, our house was freezing cold. I was grumpy and tired but as I lay in bed I thought of how I grew up in a home with no heating system and we just had to bundle up warm. I was grateful that we had a heating system in this house and so that night I just bundled up warmer and slept like I did back in the days.Counting our Blessings name then one by one
How to be more grateful
- Gratitude Journal
- Express gratitude to others – Silent gratitude isn’t much use to anyone. ~G.B. Stern
- Write thank you notes to somebody
- Meditate or Pray
How do you show gratitude? How has gratitude helped you in your life? Let me know in the comments below!!! Be amazing and show gratitude today!!!!!
Lots of love
Self Confidence is a skill that requires you to have a belief in oneself. I would also like to add to this definition to me it’s also believing and trusting in a higher power for me it’s God. Self Confidence is a journey that can take us in and out of our comfort zone. Self-confidence is also knowledge and understanding that you don’t know everything, we can admit to making mistakes but are willing to learn and move forward.
Self Confidence is much like a muscle that you need to keep on working at otherwise you can slowly lose it.
WHY develop Confidence?
- Self Confidence can enhance your reputation (jobs, colleagues, friends)
- Attract positive people around you
- Open up many doors of opportunity
- Confident people bring out confidence in others
HOW to develop Confidence?
- Repetition:More you do something that more confident you get at it. Like a sport, or an instrument the more you practice the more confident you are to perform.
- Positive Talk: We all have our own personal insecurities. But focus on the negative will not help us in any way. Turn those negatives into positives. Make affirmations for yourself so you can always refer to when you are tempted to say something negative.
- Body Language
- Set Goals:seeing the bigger picture helps you know where you are going and gives you purpose therefore you feel confident about yourself.
- Positive Reflection: Reflect on the things you have accomplished this will also help you as you tackle new tasks. Reminding yourself that you have already done difficult things can help give you the boost of confidence to face the new challenges ahead.
No one will believe in you unless you do! You are unique and amazing! Be your best most amazing self because there is nobody in the world that can do you like you!
What are some things you do to help boost your confidence? Please I would love to know what you think. Comment and Share if you felt that this helped you!!
Keep spreading your light!! Because the world needs you!
As you know for those who have been following my youtube channel I just did a post about values that I wish to live by this year. One of those is that of simplifying. To start off this whole simplify theme in my life I have decided that I want to start off with my wardrobe. As you can see by this picture it is a huge ugly mess of clothing everywhere. By minimizing my clothing, the hopes is I will also be better organized.
Everything thrown in a pile
After getting everything thrown in the pile, I organized the dresses, shirts, pants and skirts etc into their own individual piles. After getting them in the piles I just picked the items that made me happy and I knew for certain I was going to wear. If I wasn’t 100% sure I put it into a different pile. So I had piles for YES, Maybe and NO. I then went through the Maybe pile and kept what I wanted and discarded the rest. PRESTO!!!
At the beginning I was pretty gung ho and thought I could do a 10 item wardrobe but then realized it was still a little too soon for me to do 10 items so I have done about a 15 -17 item wardrobe. (depends on what you call outfits) I had also managed to get rid of about 7 pairs of shoes. Hopefully I get to that point where I can get it down to only 10 outfits.
Why Minimize your Wardrobe?
- More time to do productive things
- Organizing your wardrobe is now a breeze
- Have more money in the bank
- Less clutter in your wardrobe = Less mess (especially for me)
- Packing for trips is easier
- Sense of clarity and clearness in your bedroom!!!
Just going through my clothing and purging them was very therapeutic and liberating. I am now excited to open my wardrobe and not feel overwhelmed from the mess and disorder. I am also excited to apply this idea into the other areas of my life, kitchen, bathroom, linen, decor etc.
Advice for those wanting to start:
- define your style (Vintage, Hipster, Boho, Retro etc) This was the hardest part for me.
- read about other minimalists and how they do it (we all have our own ways)
- decide how much you can manage and go for it!!!
- read 12 steps to minimizing your wardrobe or lots of fun youtube videos on it
I had an interesting conversation with this lady where she shared with me a personal story about her granddaughter; she had found out that her granddaughter had been stealing people’s belongings. Listening to this I would have automatically assumed she was just a naughty child! I would label her as a thief and want to avoid her. But as this grandmother continued her story she went on to say how this grand-daughter had been sexually abused and been moved around from home to home. This changed my outlook on her behaviour. As a result of her unstable upbringing she turned to material possessions for comfort for security because she felt she lacked that kind of love from any physical relationships in her life. I thought this is such a beautiful example that illustrates how much we need real love in our life. This young girl felt she had no other option other to turn to physical things and if she didn’t have it she ended up stealing it. From this story there are so many lessons we can learn but I want to focus on detaching ourselves from Material Possessions. Many of us haven’t been through this traumatic experience, but we all have experienced something which has made us attach ourselves to physical temporal things, although we may be surrounded by many loving family members, friends and even our dear animals.
Why are we humans so attached to stuff? Why do we let our possessions define who we are? Why do we let our possessions take over majority of our life? Why do we work the majority of our lifetime to fill our homes and lives with things that diminish in value? Why do we constantly buy things that always need an upgrade the year later?
If we actually take some time to reflect on our life, we may be able to pinpoint a time or a thought process to why we have attached ourselves to physical things. Whether we do it because we had nothing growing up, or we do it because the society we have grown up in or we do it because of security. Once we figure out our root cause we will then be able to slowly detach ourselves from those physical things.
What’s the big deal?
Materialism is a trap that is never ending. It is ongoing and can never suffice. We can go our entire lives trying to accumulate things and things that will never give us true happiness and joy. Why? This is because we are not physical we are spirits in a physical body therefore only that which is spiritual can give us complete joy. Many people only recognize this once they get to the end of the lives, they regret spending the majority of their life on the things that didn’t matter most.
We are a Spiritual being having a Human Experience
Are you focusing on buying a fancy american dream home? Are you focusing on making sure you have the latest model cars or gadgets? Are you focused on looking like you are doing “WELL” on social media? No it’s not bad to enjoy things and have nice things, but what you should always remember is that things won’t give you the joy and happiness you really want. If your goal is to buy a fancy house evaluate it so that your goal is to make beautiful memories with your family in your home.
Create a life of deep experiences, people, family, friends, nature. Develop talents, character as we serve those around us. We need to seek to have spiritual experiences so that our spirits grow and feel a sense of real fulfillment and joy.
What do you do to enrich your spirit?