Relationships


Intentional Marriages

WHITESMarriage requires constant work and effort but nevertheless can be the most rewarding commitments one can make in their lifetime. I don’t know how it is for some people but for me I had a lot of changes I had to make. I didn’t realise how selfish I was, I didn’t realise how prideful I was, how to communicate my feelings effectively and the list goes on all of this became so evident in our first year of marriage. I doubted my marriage decisions many a time and even if I was worthy to be married to anybody.  Not to mention I was pregnant 4 months later and was feeling self conscious about my self confidence kept declining not to mention a lot more hormones adding to the mix.  It was a very bumpy road and therefore we had to be very intentional about our marriage or it would literally fall apart. We both had a lot to learn and still do  but today I wanted to share some things that we did and currently do.

  •  God First: Putting God first has immense power. When you put God first you have the desire to be patient, understanding, forgiving and helps you put things in perspective. Take a look at the blog post which I dedicate to this topic. Includes praying and reading together often like everyday! This can help you before problems occur. Reading the scriptures and praying together enables you to have strength to have your priorities in order. 
  • Love languages: The wonderful book by Gary Chapman. I did a video about this forever ago. But understanding each others love language really helped me understand how I can show love to him. In fact reading any books on love and marriage can help propel your marriage.
  • Self Time and Date Time: We need alone time. I didn’t realise this until recently but we need time to ourselves individually or doing something that you enjoy. Sometimes that might be with just the girls or the boys. And date time you need to make date night a priority with you two alone to keep the fire blazing!
  • Recognize the underlying problems: Sometimes because your spouse doesn’t want to go to your parents house isn’t because they don’t like them but because they don’t feel they spend enough time with you. Try digging a litte deeper to find out what the real problems may be.
  • Communication: Can’t get enough of this one. Words, Tone, Body language have a big impact on our communication especially in the most sensitive time. Be aware of what you are communicating to each other. Pay attention to your body language because it may send messages you don’t want them to take the wrong way.
  • Calming Techniques: This is the hardest area for me. Letting your husband you just need some time to think it over is better than just storming off. Before you let your top blow off try counting to 10 , taking deep breaths or any other calming techniques. The best time to talk is when you are both level headed.

Marriage is a journey full of ups and downs. Enjoy the ride as you grow closer each day. How are you being intentional with your marriage? I would love to hear some of your tips. Comment and share if you found this useful.

Thanks


Intentional Living for Mothers

IMG_3121smallDo I consciously make an effort to teach my child something each day? Do I know what I am teaching my child today? Most people are not aware that whether they are trying to or not they are always teaching your children. So instead of teaching your children unconsciously and unknowingly you may want to help yourself by being conscious about the messages you are sending to your children.

Unknowingly my parents taught me that I can lie on certain occasion, when they told me to tell them that my parent’s weren’t home or to tell the movie clerk I was 5 instead of 8. Unknowingly my parents taught me to be creative with things around the house when the didn’t buy fancy toys and gadgets to keep me busy. How effective could my parents teachings have been if they were conscious about the actions they did. How much of a better influence could they have been if they knew what they were teaching me. This is why I feel that we all increase our consciousness in all that we do.

So how can you be intentional and conscious mothers? Here are some ways I have used to be an intentional mother you may even doing this without realising which is great! Keep in mind this is just a guideline you also need to feel what is right for your family and how to apply it into your circumstances.

  1. Understand your own personal core values and have a vision of what you want your children to become. (without trying to live your dreams through your children) Understanding your children’s unique talents and gifts and helping enhance those and develop those which they struggle with.
  2. Know what you want to teach your children. (Empathy, Kindness, Forgiveness, Sharing etc Prayer)
  3.  Throughout the day create situations which will provide your children an opportunity to use and develop that attribute. Create them intentionally so you are aware and prepared to help your children in those situations.
  4. Focus on a attribute or topic for at least a week. Giving a decent amount of time for you to be able to see the fruits of your labor. Repetition is the key to developing a new skill or attribute so be patient and Don’t expect results overnight.

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Here is an example of what I do with my child to practice conscious parenting. Your methods will be different because your values and things you want to teach your child will be different from mine. Being aware of what you want your child to learn will help you implement different activities you want them to do each day. They will be a little tricky to get use to at first but the more you do it the more natural it becomes for both of you.

My daughter is 14 months. Core things I want her for her to learn:

  • Creativity – I let her watch a show every other day so she has little to no screen time. I give her time to explore outside on her own and find things to play with.
  • Positive Self Image – I have affirmations in her bedroom that I read with her every morning. I wrote them on her mirror so she loves looking at herself and doing actions with them.
  • Faith – I pray with my daughter before getting her out of her crib each morning and before she sleeps. We also pray before we eat and although she doesn’t know why we do this we do this to form a habit and as she gets older will start to understand why we do it.
  • Independance – I allow her to sit at the adults table and when she is done to put her dishes in the sink.
  • Manners – I emphasize please and thank you if ever she wants something.
  • Calming Techniques – We practice taking two deep breaths whenever she is throwing a tantrum. Just give her some time (ignore) her until she is ready to talk to us.
  • Alphabet Recognition – each time we pass the alphabet on the fridge we say and sing ABC.

What do you consciously teach your child? What are some things you teach your child? How do find the balance between always teaching and having a break? Share and comment below would love to hear your thoughts!


How to live Intentionally

What the heck is “Living Intentionally”?

This is an extremely broad area of conversation that can encompass many different lifestyles and situations. But for the sake of my blog and what I will be sharing, to me living intentionally essentially means living your beliefs  to direct your life that you want and dream of, and by living those beliefs you are not aimlessly just going with the flow. You essentially have more control of what comes in and out of your life. It really is living your truth!

Living Intentionally reminds me of the scripture:

2nd Nephi 2:26 And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon…

In this life there are things to Act and Things to be Acted Upon.  We humans are not here in this life to just let things happen to us and to let life just pass us by. But we are here to be the movers and shakers in the world making things happen. We are not meant to be on the sideline watching the other players do their thing we need to be on the field playing the game doing our part to help whatever our cause and purpose may be!

Give Purpose and Meaning to  everything you do whether you are a stay at home mother or a CEO of a company. You can live each day intentionally and on purpose. Ultimately you have the choice to determine your life. You choose what happens and if it’s something happens  not in your control you can choose how to react to it. Here are some ideas you can be intentional with your Life.

  • Understand You – Find out what you are really about. Often we are so busy running around trying to please our spouse, children, parents, work boss, church we forget to take time to really define who we are and know and understand ourselves fully. Take time to understand what you stand for your beliefs so you are not swayed with whatever comes your way.
  • Evaluate your Environment – Are the people you hang out with supporting your beliefs? Does your work environment help you live your beliefs and ethics. What kind of culture is your environment moving towards are you being influenced by it? Is it pushing you further or closer to your purpose and beliefs and core values? Take the time to know what is happening before you just get swept along for the ride. This may mean at times you may be swimming against the current.
  • Define your Life – As little kids we all had some kind of dream of what kind of life we would be living. Before we got married we had  thoughts of how our marriage would be like. We had thoughts and ideas of ways we were going to raise our children. But when life happens those thoughts and dream seem to go out the window. Take some time to go back, reflect and evaluate those thoughts. Now define how you want your life to look like. Define your marriage, education, work, faith, health, your relationship with your children and parents. Taking the time to define how you want your life to be will enable you to see the actions you need to get to achieve those things. You will see the things are important to you and things that will disappear. Defining your life will give you the power to how your life will unfold. Don’t feel the pressure that it has to go perfectly or you have to know everything that’s going to happen, there will be bumps but we will always have something to fall back on to help us get back on track. Having some kind of document of how you want your life to look like will give you guidance so you don’t get sidetracked too easily by the things that don’t matter.

I believe that we all have our individual roles and purpose here, some roles are bigger than others but not the least bit less significant. Whatever our individuals roles and purposes be, let’s live them truthfully. Be courageous and intentionally with all that we do so we can feel deep fulfillment in the life that we live.  I promise you that as you take time to define your life you desire you will be able to live it intentionally each and every day. Truly when the time comes we can say as Paul:

I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith 2 Timothy 4:7


My Bucket List

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My momma always said I can do anything I put my mind to!

Career/School

Graduate High School✓

Attend University✓

Graduate w/ Bachelors✓

Serve a Church Mission✓

Live in a Different Country✓

Masters Graduate

PHD Graduate

Certified Life Coach

Do a Ted Talk

Publish a Book

Create E-Course

Certified Yoga Instructor

Start a Business

Lecture at a University

Self-Development/Life

Get Married✓

Have Kids✓

Start a Blog✓

Start a YouTube Channel✓

Buy a House✓

Read New Testament

Read Book of Mormon✓

Triathlon

Half Marathon

Join a Humanitarian Project

Start my own Humanitarian Project

Learn a new Language✓

Take a Homeless out for Dinner

Take Speed Reading course

Do Splits 5 ways

Have 5 Streams of Income

Enjoy a week without Technology

Watch A Broadway Musical

Travel

Live in a 3rd World Country

Disneyland✓

Statue of Liberty New York✓

Hollywood✓

Sydney Opera House✓

Coromandel New Zealand✓

Queenstown New Zealand

Backpack Europe

Colosseum in Rome

Taj mahal India

Cruise Carribean

Thailand

African Safari

Great wall of China

Pyramids in Egypt

Machu picchu in Peru

Israel the Holy Land

Amazon Rainforest

Road Trip for 6months

Adventure

Sky Dive

Snowboarding and Skiing✓

Bungy Jump

Abseiling✓

Paragliding

Parasailing

Ride Elephant

Ride Camel in Desert

Swim with Dolphins

Go on a Zipline✓

Ride a Gondola✓

Ride in a Helicopter

Go White Water Rafting

This is obviously not the final list as sometimes I change my mind about things! But there are also stuff that I am always adding to my Bucket List!!!  Now get started on yours!!!


Limiting Belief Systems

We all have them.. that negative inner voice that says

You aren’t smart enough

You aren’t brave enough

You aren’t pretty enough

You aren’t social enough

YOU ARE NOT ENOUGH

LIMITING BELIEFS are also disguised as

  • Excuses
  • Negative Thoughts
  • Justifications
  • Worries
  • Beliefs conditioned from culture or family
  • Thought Patterns
  • Perfectionistic Thinking
  • Past failures
  • Fear

You are enough! And you can overcome these belief systems that hinder you from your true and ultimate potential. Look back in your life there are bound to be numerous examples when you decided that these belief systems were not going to rule your life. For me it was going to university and graduating from university.At one point I questioned if I was really smart enough and committed to go there and graduate. In relationships I would think am I am I doing enough to be loved? Do I even deserve to be loved?

These limiting beliefs have come from everywhere and anywhere, we have picked them up throughout our childhood and held on to them to define us. For me during my late teens it was such a simple sentence that this  ignorant boy used “YOU CAN’T TALK TO ME UNLESS YOU LOOK LIKE THIS SUPERMODEL ON THE FRONT COVER OF THIS MAGAZINE” Even today this still haunts me as I have translated it to mean, I can’t accomplish anything great unless I look like her. Or sometimes I think okay once  I lose weight I will definitly get the dream job or the success that I am looking for. Which it totally BULL!!!!!  Our self limiting beliefs may have come from our environment, family, friends or even the media.  As time goes on these beliefs get stronger and stronger and get proven time and time again because we live them and turn them into reality.

Can you imagine your life if you had no limiting beliefs, where  your mind is an open and blank canvas. What would you do differently? Where would you be? Who would you become? Here are some steps and ideas to help you overcome your limiting belief systems.

  • Think of a Dream, Goal you have but have failed to achieve
  • What is your biggest excuse or reason for failure?
  • Dig Deep and ask why do you use that excuse?
  • What has made you accept that as your excuse?
  • How is this belief or excuse helping me?
  • What are things I can accomplish if I didn’t have this belief?
  • What are the consequences if I stay with this belief?
  • How would I feel if I overcame this belief?
  • How would my life be different if I overcame this belief?
  • Why should I change now?
  • Am I committed to this new future?

These are questions to ask yourself as your evaluate whatever you limiting belief is. Whatever is holding you back is always just in your head. You do have the power to change your thought process and define your own future. If you have any further questions on this I would love to hear from you. Feel free to message me or comment below!!!

 


Book Review – How to Win Friends and Influence People

As part of my 5 Values this year one of them being edifying my mind I am endeavouring to read a book a month and so here is my Book Review for January! This book was awesome in terms of helping me recognize things that I needed to work on in terms of working with people and communicating and understanding people.

There are so many things that I know I need to work on but here are the two main ideas that I know I really got from this book. The first idea is based on these two quotes.

“Any fool can criticize, complain, and condemn—and most fools do. But it takes character and self-control to be understanding and forgiving.”

“God himself sir, does not propose to judge people until end of their days so why should you and I”

I love this idea as it’s an awesome reminder those who don’t know how to control their tongue in the end is the biggest fool. It takes little to no self control to just blurt out criticism, complain and judge people but it really takes character to be able to try and understand other people and their prospective.

“A man convinced against his will Is of the same opinion still”

This is also another awesome idea that I am struggling with. Telling somebody they are wrong isn’t always the best way to help them believe in your prospective so learning how to express your views tactfully and helping them convince themselves of your idea is ultimately the best way. This means a lot of patience and perseverance and understanding.

Have you read this book yet? What were your favourite ideas? Would love to hear!!!!!

Keep being amazing, Keep learning, growing and becoming the best YOU!!!

 

Love

 

Tracy xo
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The main concerns in over 50 dating

*** SPONSORED GUEST POST***

Senior woman and her friends riding bikes through the countryside

We all need love!!!! Whether we are a few days old or 99. Dating over the age of fifty is a decision that needs many facts to be concerned. In this age, it is very important to know that what you actually want and what you cannot compromise with any condition. Here are some factors that most of the people consider in their over 50 dating and we are going to discuss.

Many singles have a preference that their partner should be healthy and there are mainly two reasons behind this concern. The first reason is the monetary needs and the second is care and attention that an ill person will need. People who have spent their whole life to earn money, do not want a partner who would use up their bank accounts for health expenses. But, if we see the other side of this issue, then it would be right to say that no one knows when he/she will get ill and need money for his treatment. So, what is right? It depends on the choice of the person that whether he can manage with an ill person who need regular care or he would prefer to choose another person.

Money needs are not only concerned with the health only, there are many other issues. A living man always needs money to manage his daily expenses where food, cloth and shelter hold the top place. So, a person, who has gathered money for his future in advance before his retirement or is still doing the job, wants a partner with the same financial status. Such a person who has spent his whole life in fulfilling the wishes of his family, does not want a person in this age who will totally depend on his money.

The other concern about join over 50 dating sites is physical attraction. Most of the people agree with the fact that physical attraction does matter a lot. According to them if there is no physical attraction, then the chances for a relationship to go long are very less. On the contrary, some people give more preference to love and care. If they find that their would-be partner is able to fulfill the emotional needs and they too feel satisfied with him, then physical attraction holds no place. There is another fact behind it, love and affection are such things in human life that they go on increasing with the age. Thus, the people, who have remained deprived of love and warmth in the previous years, don’t take physical attraction as a more important factor.

When it comes to using over 50 dating sites, most of the people are worried about that how they will find their partner. It is because that after retirement, many people stay at home and have no outings. But, in this era of internet, nothing is impossible. There are a number of dating websites which are specially designed for older people who are over fifty. So, finding a desired person is no more difficult. Once you register for any of these sites and you will be amazed to find so many single people as you can easily find the one you are looking for.

 


Is someone ruining your life?

Blaming others take time and energy away from improving yourself

You are the Problem and you are the Solution! – Yes it’s the greatest advice that nobody wants to hear especially when they are feeling at an all time low!

I have a friend that came to me with some of his problems. He said that his boss at work was ungrateful for his long hours, his colleagues didn’t appreciate the help he gave them, he said that his parents were going crazy, and girls he was dating just didn’t know what they want and weren’t committed. In every situation he explained the problem always seemed to lay somewhere else. It was never his fault and it couldn’t be his fault.

If we keep looking to find people and circumstances to blame, we will never find lasting happiness. WHY you say, it’s because we will be continuously relying on other people for our happiness. We are human and therefore have endless amount of imperfections. So of course there will always be something wrong with those around us. But unfortunately we do not have any control of other people and what they do. They only thing we have control over is ourselves what we choose to annoy us.

I want to share my own personal experience growing up. In my home we weren’t very good at saying please and thank you, I got annoyed and frustrated when I did something for my family members and I never heard a thank you as if my good deed was an expectation. While in this frustration, a light bulb moment when I realized that I myself wasn’t saying thank you either. Once I recognized this I made a conscious effort to ensure I said thank you. After a little while I noticed that this had a domino effect and my siblings were saying thank you as well.

We can’t change people as much as we would love to and it’s not our job! If you are going through circumstances where everything seems to be going south.  Do this exercise. Stop and reflect for a moment, ask yourself what am I doing to better this situation? Am I just expecting them to change and I me not do anything? Is there anything that we can do together? Before you jump down somebody’s throat and point the finger lets just first evaluate our actions… and then take it from there.

Ghandi couldn’t have said it any better

“Be the change you want to see in the world.

This wonderful girl is an awesome example of not letting people ruin her life!!! She bought tears to my eyes!!! Her story is awesome and we can all take something away from this!!!

Be amazing! Be the best you!!!


Protecting Family in this Digital Age

***SPONSORED BY Family Orbit***

I thought that this would be a perfect post to write my views on technology and the family. I wasn’t allowed a cell phone until I was 16 and even then I was sharing my dad’s cell phone. (I only got it because my school was a train ride and a bus ride away from my house.) My brother and sister weren’t allowed to get a cell phone until they were 18. (Although my brother always managed to hustle a phone off his many friends.) My parent’s did a pretty good job of “protecting” us from the dangers of cellphones and I am grateful for that but it didn’t completely stop us from getting into trouble.  With my family want to take further steps to protect my family seeing there is so much more out there now.  As much as I want to keep my kids in a tight bubble where they will not be exposed to anything bad in the outside world I can’t so all I can do is find other methods to protect them.

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1. Talk and communicate with your children – There is no better way than helping your children then actually sitting down with them and talking with them about the dangers of technology. There is no right age when to start, you determine your child’s understanding and figure out what they need to know. Ask them about their friends and if they have cell phones, most children are exposed to dangerous ideas through friends at school so help them know how they can handle these situations. No matter how many protections you have in place your children will find a way around it if they don’t know and understand the WHY behind your efforts. Take time to sit down with them.

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2. Turn technology into a friend – There are so many apps out there can help you be better parents. One of them is this awesome app by family orbit. It allows for parents to keep tabs on their children without being too invasive. You can see where your children are in real time and monitor the photos and contacts on their phone. It allows you to connect with your family group on a more personal level without having to go to social media. They even have an alert button incase of an emergency. It’s every parent’s dream for protecting their children especially when there is so much going on and you can’t be with them all the time.

Call me a paranoid mother but  I just want to do the best that I know how for my family. What are some things you are doing to help protect your children from cyberbullying, pornography and other online dangers? Don’t forget to visit family orbit and download their free app!

 


Avoiding the Relationship Anger Trap

***Featured Post***

So you walk in the house nearly tripping over one of the toys, feeling hungry and tired you realize dinner isn’t ready. Your children are running around the house screaming and playing and accidentally spill something on your shirt. Then your spouse greets you with “can you to help out with getting the kids ready for dinner?” You snap with frustration wishing that you had just stayed at work away from the chaos and the mess!!

Does this sound familiar to any of you out there?? Or maybe you have an argument and then later thinking what the argument was even about? Or you remember you snapped because or something insignificant like they didn’t call you back. I know this has happened to me many times before.

Energydrivenler.com  have called these scenarios the Relationship Anger Trap – When things may not be going well at work, or in some other area of your life, and you let it build and build until you inevitably fall into this trap. It is usually a sequence of things that build up to the breaking point. It can be easily damaging to both your personal and professional relationships.

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The point is we build up frustration points little by little every day and  sometimes it can be over several days or weeks, eventually it has to be released somewhere. It’s sad, but the easiest place to release it is with the person you love or people you care for the most.

I know that for me my husband is the easiest one to get angry at, therefore I let my frustrations out on him which is totally not fair. A day may consist of a whiny clingy baby, then my parents or in-laws were frustrating me, my friend may have said something to offend me, the person at the grocery store looked angrily at my crying baby then lastly my husband walks through the door and he sits on the couch!!! All of sudden I get into hulk mode blow up at him for not coming to help me with getting dinner ready and say how terrible of a husband he is. My poor husband has no idea what my day was like then he gets mad at me for just yelling at him. (We are in this downward spiraling cycle) Little do I know he may have also had just as bad a day at school and work as well. RESULT: We both end up going the rest of the night angry and frustrated and not talking to each other… BAM we have been trapped in the Relationship Anger Trap!!! so crazy how small things can just end up in this huge mess right???!

For the unmarried sometimes we treat our parents, siblings or close friends this way and not realize how much we are hurting them. energydrivenleader.com have provided some suggestions…

  1. Make mental notes of any frustrations that have occurred during the day. Then decide what action you will take, or throw it into the mental trash bucket in your head.
  2. Never interpret what you “think” someone means in an email – call to clarify. I know I have been guilty of reading a text and made up a whole story that they must be angry at me because they responded this way. Communication is key!!!
  3. For working parents – before you walk through the door of your home give yourself a good shake (physically do this). Don’t carry tomorrow’s issues into your home. Charles Haddon Spurgeon stated, “It has been said that our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow but only empties today  of its strength.” learn more

There are thousands of things a relationship can do for someone. One of the most important is to present a mirror into our own behavior. Positive or negative we have the possibility to grow as a result of our relationships at work and home.

Dr Bob Rausch has developed many courses to help individuals ensure they have a balance between both work and home and to maintain healthy relationships wherever we go. If you are interested in learning more about leadership and ensuring you have the work life balance check out their website here they have many helpful articles for leaders who want to inspire and uplift those around them.

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