Marriage Spotlight: Two Islands Meet
Bio: Stacey Ahokava is 24 years of age and has been married for 6 months and 5 days. They currently have no children yet. She is of Samoan descent and her husband is of Tongan descent. She is currently working full-time supporting her husband as he is in his final year of Engineering. She loves spending time with family and loves her tongan food especially Otai! We are privileged to hear some of her experiences and thoughts in the first 6 months of their marriage.
1. What was your biggest fear before marriage?
My biggest fear was not knowing what to expect after marriage. I was a little hesitant when my husband even brought the idea up haha. He played a song at the pier and slow danced with me asking what I thought about marriage and I asked why? Why so soon? Why not wait? I took a leap of faith going into this. I was excited but in saying that I was so scared. My parents have separated and I often felt inadequate but with a lot of support from my family and especially my husband, I was able to get sealed in the temple for all time and eternity.
2. What has been the biggest adjustment for you being married?
The biggest adjustment would have to be the time spent together. Before marriage, I would spend most of my time with my little cousins who I treat as my own and I don’t think they’ve adjusted well lol. I was always with my family. My family are my everything! When my husband came along they (my little cousins) weren’t too happy and did not welcome him with open arms hahaha. Living together was weird at first but I love having someone to talk/cry/laugh to every night before I go to sleep. Having someone to hold hands, kneel and say prayers with. Having someone to go on dates with. Having someone to sit next to at church. Having someone I can call mine haha It’s not about me anymore and what I want, it’s about us and what’s best for us.
3. What was the best advice someone gave to for marriage?
The best advice I’ve been given would have to be what I often hear at Church and that is to always look at the eternal perspective. After I got baptised less than two years ago, I started going to Institute. My husband (boyfriend at the time) was teaching the Book of Mormon Class so I went on my own to the Eternal Marriage class (bear in mind we were just dating at the time, not sure why I went to that class. I must’ve been following the spirit haha). They taught about man’s view in comparison to God’s view. I’ll never forget that lesson. Not because I was paying real close attention due to the no friends I had in that class haha, but because I understood. For so long, I was living in “man’s view” and I had progressed very little, if any. Seeing that made me appreciate all the trials I went through. And that the choices I made from that day on, will affect me and the progress I make each and every day. “Line upon line. Here a little, and there a little.” Some days are tougher than others, but I’m happy that my husband and I have both gained that eternal perspective to help us make better decisions not only for this life, but into eternity.
4. What has been the most enjoyable part of marriage?
My favourite part of marriage is knowing that I am sealed to my eternal companion for all time and eternity! Even if he leaves me in this life, he’s still stuck with me haha. Nah but seriously, he is one of my greatest blessings. Having him around is always fun. He easily knows how to get out of the doghouse and he’s always making me laugh and is pushing me out of my comfort zone. He knows I like to stay in the “safe zone” and I love that he sees my potential and pushes me to be a better person than I was yesterday (I don’t love it at the time though haha). As I said before, I’m a convert to the LDS faith. I’ve been a member going onto two years now. & my husband converted when he was young. I was a Catholic and he a Methodist. I’m still learning about the Gospel as I’m sure he is too. Especially as we plan to extend our little family soon maybe next year or the year after lol. Every day I wake up thankful to have an amazing husband, to have a priesthood holder in my home and to be with my best friend every day. That’s the most enjoyable part.
5. What have you done to get through your tough times in marriage?
My husband and my mother in-law have both told me this. It’s one thing I didn’t quite understand or accept but learnt to do so over time. My wonderful mother in-law also shared this recently in Relief Society. When I was first introduced to my in-laws, I was scared. After much praying haha, I eventually met them and I was on my best behaviour. Like never before haha. After meeting me my husband asked my mother in-law what she thought about me, and she said she looked at me as a daughter of our Heavenly Father. Now at the time when I first heard this I was confused. Until I later understood the blessings of this statement. Quite often I’m singing “I Am a Child of God” but did I believe it? Probably not. Ask me again if I do now, I do! I have learnt to understand that not only am I one, but everyone else is too. We are all His children and He loves each and every one of us. My worth and understanding of the love my Saviour has for me have helped immensely when getting through the tough times in marriage. My husband and I have gone through a lot of trials in just the last six months of marriage and I’m grateful for this knowledge because it calms me hahaha. It helps me. I’m always asking myself “would my Father approve of my choices? Would he be proud of me?” My ultimate goal is to return to him, with my family. I know the trials I’ll face won’t get easier, but because I have a testimony of the Gospel, I know these will all be worth it. After all, I am a Child of God and He has sent me here. :):):)