Marriage requires constant work and effort but nevertheless can be the most rewarding commitments one can make in their lifetime. I don’t know how it is for some people but for me I had a lot of changes I had to make. I didn’t realise how selfish I was, I didn’t realise how prideful I was, how to communicate my feelings effectively and the list goes on all of this became so evident in our first year of marriage. I doubted my marriage decisions many a time and even if I was worthy to be married to anybody. Not to mention I was pregnant 4 months later and was feeling self conscious about my self confidence kept declining not to mention a lot more hormones adding to the mix. It was a very bumpy road and therefore we had to be very intentional about our marriage or it would literally fall apart. We both had a lot to learn and still do but today I wanted to share some things that we did and currently do.
- God First: Putting God first has immense power. When you put God first you have the desire to be patient, understanding, forgiving and helps you put things in perspective. Take a look at the blog post which I dedicate to this topic. Includes praying and reading together often like everyday! This can help you before problems occur. Reading the scriptures and praying together enables you to have strength to have your priorities in order.
- Love languages: The wonderful book by Gary Chapman. I did a video about this forever ago. But understanding each others love language really helped me understand how I can show love to him. In fact reading any books on love and marriage can help propel your marriage.
- Self Time and Date Time: We need alone time. I didn’t realise this until recently but we need time to ourselves individually or doing something that you enjoy. Sometimes that might be with just the girls or the boys. And date time you need to make date night a priority with you two alone to keep the fire blazing!
- Recognize the underlying problems: Sometimes because your spouse doesn’t want to go to your parents house isn’t because they don’t like them but because they don’t feel they spend enough time with you. Try digging a litte deeper to find out what the real problems may be.
- Communication: Can’t get enough of this one. Words, Tone, Body language have a big impact on our communication especially in the most sensitive time. Be aware of what you are communicating to each other. Pay attention to your body language because it may send messages you don’t want them to take the wrong way.
- Calming Techniques: This is the hardest area for me. Letting your husband you just need some time to think it over is better than just storming off. Before you let your top blow off try counting to 10 , taking deep breaths or any other calming techniques. The best time to talk is when you are both level headed.
Marriage is a journey full of ups and downs. Enjoy the ride as you grow closer each day. How are you being intentional with your marriage? I would love to hear some of your tips. Comment and share if you found this useful.
I want my child to be….. responsible, kind, hardworking, courageous, well mannered, independant.. and the list can go on right. No we can’t choose what our child will become but as parents we do have influence in how they can develop these attributes and values. Th
Yes another post on being Intentional because I believe this life needs to be lived intentionally! And especially when it comes to raising children. Lots of people just leave it up to nature to take its course with their children. In many cases that’s great and other cases we can’t just take the back seat we need to be conscious and aware of what are children are learning, how they are learning and how we can leverage their experiences without getting in the way. Growing up my mum always always said learning begins in the home! Not at school or church it’s in the HOME! And it begins from the moment they are born. (CRAZY… right) Do you know what you are teaching your child each day? Are you aware your child is constantly learning from you with or without your consent. If so you might as well be aware of what you are teaching them right? Being intentional means you are involved and not sitting on the bench. We all have our own things we believe it is important for our children to learn and we know or have access to ways we can teach our children in the home.
Today I just wanted to share ways we are being intentional with our daughter within our own home.
- Eliminating “NO” – Using positive parenting methods we have not been using the words “No” with her. We would use the distraction method majority of the time or if it wasn’t such a big deal just let her explore until she learnt for herself the consequences of something. So if she was playing with something that could fall and it wasn’t dangerous I would just let it fall so she could see the consequences. If it hit her toe she would feel the consequences. This has made her extremely aware of the consequences of things that she does. There is an exception to no or stop is when she is doing something that can kill her like running out on the street. There are so many more other vocabulary that we can avoid with our children and replacements that are better for them.
- Minimal Screen Time – I am extremely intentional with this. I probably allow baby to watch 30mins of Signing Time or Nursery Rhymes like every 2 days on my laptop. So in about a week she watches a screen about 3 times. This has so many benefits that I share more about in this post.
- Minimal Toys – After reading a book about simplifying parenting by…. I realised Baby room has so much clutter. I decided to take out majority of her toys in her room and only leave between 5-10 toys to play with. I also minimised her books so she wouldn’t have so many books everywhere. This has helped with a cleaner and less cluttered room. Every couple of months I switch out her toys.This also helps her focus on playing with one thing at a time. Instead of just going in there and throwing everything around. I grew up where there were little toys and we had to use our imagination and creativity and looking back I loved it so I want the same for her.
- Encourage Creativity – So big for me!!! I want my baby to figure out and learn on her own. Find her way of doing thing she doesn’t have to do things my way. Even though it comes with lots of frustration from her but the joy on her face once she gets it is priceless. This also requires a lot of patience from me and to hold myself back especially when I want to just save the day.
- New Experiences– My husband and I love to take baby to learn and explore new environments. Taking her to the park to feed the ducks, to the zoo to the pet store, to see animals. We want to give her plenty of opportunity for experiences. In the future we hope to be able to take our children on adventures in different countries to see different ways of living and how people live.
- Comfort Zone – We love helping our baby explore her limits and feel fear and learn to deal with it. We love seeing her at 14 months climb up to the highest slide in the playground and slide down by herself. We love helping her see she limits herself and she is capable of hard things if she puts her mind to it.
- Affirmations – I want my baby to develop positive views of herself and others. In the morning after prayer we read affirmations to help her and me to start our day with positive thoughts. I am hoping that this will be instilled into her subconscious and will influence her in other aspects of her life.
How are you being intentional with your children? What are you teaching your children? What do you want your children to learn and become? How do you incorporate these into everyday activties? Would love to hear your thoughts!
Do I consciously make an effort to teach my child something each day? Do I know what I am teaching my child today? Most people are not aware that whether they are trying to or not they are always teaching your children. So instead of teaching your children unconsciously and unknowingly you may want to help yourself by being conscious about the messages you are sending to your children.
Unknowingly my parents taught me that I can lie on certain occasion, when they told me to tell them that my parent’s weren’t home or to tell the movie clerk I was 5 instead of 8. Unknowingly my parents taught me to be creative with things around the house when the didn’t buy fancy toys and gadgets to keep me busy. How effective could my parents teachings have been if they were conscious about the actions they did. How much of a better influence could they have been if they knew what they were teaching me. This is why I feel that we all increase our consciousness in all that we do.
So how can you be intentional and conscious mothers? Here are some ways I have used to be an intentional mother you may even doing this without realising which is great! Keep in mind this is just a guideline you also need to feel what is right for your family and how to apply it into your circumstances.
- Understand your own personal core values and have a vision of what you want your children to become. (without trying to live your dreams through your children) Understanding your children’s unique talents and gifts and helping enhance those and develop those which they struggle with.
- Know what you want to teach your children. (Empathy, Kindness, Forgiveness, Sharing etc Prayer)
- Throughout the day create situations which will provide your children an opportunity to use and develop that attribute. Create them intentionally so you are aware and prepared to help your children in those situations.
- Focus on a attribute or topic for at least a week. Giving a decent amount of time for you to be able to see the fruits of your labor. Repetition is the key to developing a new skill or attribute so be patient and Don’t expect results overnight.
Here is an example of what I do with my child to practice conscious parenting. Your methods will be different because your values and things you want to teach your child will be different from mine. Being aware of what you want your child to learn will help you implement different activities you want them to do each day. They will be a little tricky to get use to at first but the more you do it the more natural it becomes for both of you.
My daughter is 14 months. Core things I want her for her to learn:
- Creativity – I let her watch a show every other day so she has little to no screen time. I give her time to explore outside on her own and find things to play with.
- Positive Self Image – I have affirmations in her bedroom that I read with her every morning. I wrote them on her mirror so she loves looking at herself and doing actions with them.
- Faith – I pray with my daughter before getting her out of her crib each morning and before she sleeps. We also pray before we eat and although she doesn’t know why we do this we do this to form a habit and as she gets older will start to understand why we do it.
- Independance – I allow her to sit at the adults table and when she is done to put her dishes in the sink.
- Manners – I emphasize please and thank you if ever she wants something.
- Calming Techniques – We practice taking two deep breaths whenever she is throwing a tantrum. Just give her some time (ignore) her until she is ready to talk to us.
- Alphabet Recognition – each time we pass the alphabet on the fridge we say and sing ABC.
What do you consciously teach your child? What are some things you teach your child? How do find the balance between always teaching and having a break? Share and comment below would love to hear your thoughts!
At some point or numerous points in our lifetime we will come across a time when we will need to forgive others for wrongs that have been done against us. But many a time there will also be times when we will need to ask for forgiveness for wrongs we have done against others.
Forgiveness is a pill that we all need to swallow at some point so we too can benefit from it later on. To me it’s a double edge sword, I think that if I hold a grudge against someone I am hurting them but little do I realise the only person that I am hurting is myself. I heard a quote once that not forgiving somebody is like drinking poison and hoping the other person will die. It’s so true when we don’t allow that person to be forgiven our freedom is taken away, we are letting that person govern our feelings instead of us taking control. The funny thing is the person that we have the grudge against majority of the time doesn’t realize we have it and our living a happy life unknown to your bitter feelings towards them. These bitter feelings can also cause other problems such as health problems, depression, anxiety if we don’t choose to release them through forgiveness.
I the Lord will forgive whomever I want but of you it is required to forgive all men.
How can we forgive someone who has hurt us?
- Take a step into their shoes many times people have their own issues they don’t realise. They may be reacting to problems that are going on internally. Having compassion and understanding and sympathy for them will help you forgive them and you may be able to help them come to a realisation of their actions.
- Take a look at the bigger picture. Has there been a time you have needed forgiveness? Ask yourself how would I feel if I wasn’t forgiven?
- Write a letter to that person. This doesn’t have to be sent to them this can be just for you to express your feelings towards this person and once its written you may want to burn it to symbolize your letting go and forgiving them.
- Pray for the spirit of forgiveness. Pray ask God to help you see that person how God views them. If you can envision this person in Gods eyes you may be able to develop a greater love for that individual.
Remembering that forgiveness is a two way street. Forgive in order to be Forgiven. Just because you forgive it doesn’t mean you will forget. And Forgiveness can take a long time for some people. It took my a couple of years to forgive somebody who is very close to me. We are all in our own journey of forgiveness but once you can release it you will gain freedom to move forward and have power of your life so you are not a victim to circumstances.
Forgiveness may cost you your pride but not forgiving will cost you your freedom
Best Wishes my lovelies! xox
What the heck is “Living Intentionally”?
This is an extremely broad area of conversation that can encompass many different lifestyles and situations. But for the sake of my blog and what I will be sharing, to me living intentionally essentially means living your beliefs to direct your life that you want and dream of, and by living those beliefs you are not aimlessly just going with the flow. You essentially have more control of what comes in and out of your life. It really is living your truth!
Living Intentionally reminds me of the scripture:
2nd Nephi 2:26 And because that they are redeemed from the fall they have become free forever, knowing good from evil; to act for themselves and not to be acted upon…
In this life there are things to Act and Things to be Acted Upon. We humans are not here in this life to just let things happen to us and to let life just pass us by. But we are here to be the movers and shakers in the world making things happen. We are not meant to be on the sideline watching the other players do their thing we need to be on the field playing the game doing our part to help whatever our cause and purpose may be!
Give Purpose and Meaning to everything you do whether you are a stay at home mother or a CEO of a company. You can live each day intentionally and on purpose. Ultimately you have the choice to determine your life. You choose what happens and if it’s something happens not in your control you can choose how to react to it. Here are some ideas you can be intentional with your Life.
- Understand You – Find out what you are really about. Often we are so busy running around trying to please our spouse, children, parents, work boss, church we forget to take time to really define who we are and know and understand ourselves fully. Take time to understand what you stand for your beliefs so you are not swayed with whatever comes your way.
- Evaluate your Environment – Are the people you hang out with supporting your beliefs? Does your work environment help you live your beliefs and ethics. What kind of culture is your environment moving towards are you being influenced by it? Is it pushing you further or closer to your purpose and beliefs and core values? Take the time to know what is happening before you just get swept along for the ride. This may mean at times you may be swimming against the current.
- Define your Life – As little kids we all had some kind of dream of what kind of life we would be living. Before we got married we had thoughts of how our marriage would be like. We had thoughts and ideas of ways we were going to raise our children. But when life happens those thoughts and dream seem to go out the window. Take some time to go back, reflect and evaluate those thoughts. Now define how you want your life to look like. Define your marriage, education, work, faith, health, your relationship with your children and parents. Taking the time to define how you want your life to be will enable you to see the actions you need to get to achieve those things. You will see the things are important to you and things that will disappear. Defining your life will give you the power to how your life will unfold. Don’t feel the pressure that it has to go perfectly or you have to know everything that’s going to happen, there will be bumps but we will always have something to fall back on to help us get back on track. Having some kind of document of how you want your life to look like will give you guidance so you don’t get sidetracked too easily by the things that don’t matter.
I believe that we all have our individual roles and purpose here, some roles are bigger than others but not the least bit less significant. Whatever our individuals roles and purposes be, let’s live them truthfully. Be courageous and intentionally with all that we do so we can feel deep fulfillment in the life that we live. I promise you that as you take time to define your life you desire you will be able to live it intentionally each and every day. Truly when the time comes we can say as Paul:
I have fought a good fight, I have finished my course, I have kept the faith 2 Timothy 4:7
A little criticism can be good so we can find areas to work on, but the problem is many of us take it too far. Why do we talk so negatively to ourselves? We are supposed to be our number one cheerleader and we are the first ones to put ourselves each day.
Over the long term negative self-talk can turn into high stress levels and depression. It will also cause us to believe whatever story we are telling ourselves whether it is true or not. (Most of the times they are lies!)
Before starting my blog, I was really scared to start a blog. Scared what people will think of me, scared what people will say about me and the list goes on. This hindered me starting and sharing my blog for the longest time. I would delay and make excuses. I would tell myself that I had nothing worth sharing. I am not educated enough. I can’t proofread to save my life. I can’t ever turn it into something of worth. I can’t I can’t I can’t!!! Eventually I had to learn how to self-talk positively in this area so I could do what I hoped for. I had to get support and encouragement from my husband and close family. I started small and slowly started to build up confidence. Although my blog still has a long way to go I am happy that I abolished the self-talk in my head. I have seen so many amazing stories from my blog and how it’s influenced others to do their own. If I only touch one person I am satisfied and if that one person is my I am one satisfied woman that I have overcome the negative self-talk.
- Recognize your negative self-talk – Take a little journal around and recognize the negative things you say to yourself throughout the day. The more you recognize it the more likely you are able to stop it in its tracks
- Create Positive Phrases – To counteract those negative thoughts when they come in. Repeat these positive phrases over and over in the morning and evening and any other time to tell yourself a new story
- Recognize source of negative talk – Ask yourself and think a little deeper about why you might be talking negatively. What is the real problem here? If you can dig down deep into the roots you will realize why you are talking negative. For example in my story above I was talking negatively to myself because I was afraid and fearful to what others thought of me. I was trying to protect myself even though I didn’t need it.
- Don’t Compare! – You are just setting yourself up for disappointment or even temporary happiness. You can’t compare your weaknesses with others strengths.
- Question your negative self-talk – If you say you can’t ask yourself why do you think you can’t. Is there any possible solutions? Can I take the chance to look into this further? Could I make this possible? This gives you opportunity to analyze and possibly turn the situation around instead of just ending at I can’t!
What is your negative self-talk preventing you from accomplishing? What has it stopped you accomplish? Have did you manage to overcome your negative self-talk? Leave your comments below I would love to hear from you!
What you don’t have a TV? What else do you do? It’s interesting to me that so many people can’t imagine a life without a TV. If you go into most living room areas where it supposedly meant to be “family time”, everything is organized so that the TV is the central focus of the living room. (family time is now tv time) Before you get on me I am not an extremist not allowing technology in my home and I am not judging you for having a TV in your home. I am also not against having a TV because we do have our own vices we have a laptop and a smartphone that can take just as much or more of our time, but just going without a TV means one less thing we have to worry about. I am merely writing this article so we can be conscious of how much our children are exposed to screens instead of interacting with real humans aka family, nature and discovering things on their own.
act for themselves and not to be acted upon – 2nd Nephi 2.26
Approximately 99% of households own at least 1 Tv. Average TV per household is 2.24 which then if you add laptops and computers and also cellphones even ipads etc…can you see how quickly consumed our children can be attached to screen time whatever form it may be. In the same survey 54% of 4- 6 year old kids said they would rather watch TV then play with their fathers!!!
But aside from my kids benefit the real reason is I will get sucked into it. Yeah I already don’t have much self-control when it comes to my phone and laptop so what makes me think having a TV is going to make it any easier. So not having a TV is mainly because I need to practice using my time productively, finding things like reading, going outside, doing my blog. TV is just one less distraction I have in my house. But for those of you out there are pretty good at self control and can manage your children’s television time and can use your time productively big props to you guys out there! Keep it UP!
Pros of NOT having a TV:
- She wakes up and wants to play with us (also a con on saturday morning)
- I don’t have to fight her to do something else
- She doesn’t whine to watch TV (just to play on my phone)
- I can spend more time with her during the day
- We spend more time outside
- We do more hands on activities
- We take time to see friends and attend playgroups
- She keeps herself busy with toys and looks at books for entertainment
- She is always investigating the house for new things to play with
- She is able to focus on a task for longer periods of time
Cons of NOT having a TV:
- Miss out on some educational shows they can learn from
- I don’t have an easily accessible babysitter to keep her occupied
- My house is generally more messy because she gets into more things
- It’s harder to show her new things like different animals around the world
- I get less chill time
With this said there if I do get desperate and need some sanity Signing Time on YouTube is my emergency plan Z. By all means we are not perfect and we need lots of improvement with using our phones and laptop during family time. Our daughter is pretty good at reminding us by coming and shutting the laptop so we can pay attention to her. haha So let’s all evaluate our situations what is distracting us from doing the things that are most important is it phones, computers or televisions, and manage our time a little better. How do you manage screen time and television in the house? Let me know some of your creative ideas!
My momma always said I can do anything I put my mind to!
Graduate High School✓
Graduate w/ Bachelors✓
Serve a Church Mission✓
Live in a Different Country✓
Certified Life Coach
Do a Ted Talk
Publish a Book
Certified Yoga Instructor
Start a Business
Lecture at a University
Start a Blog✓
Start a YouTube Channel✓
Buy a House✓
Read New Testament
Read Book of Mormon✓
Join a Humanitarian Project
Start my own Humanitarian Project
Learn a new Language✓
Take a Homeless out for Dinner
Take Speed Reading course
Do Splits 5 ways
Have 5 Streams of Income
Enjoy a week without Technology
Watch A Broadway Musical
Live in a 3rd World Country
Statue of Liberty New York✓
Sydney Opera House✓
Coromandel New Zealand✓
Queenstown New Zealand
Colosseum in Rome
Taj mahal India
Great wall of China
Pyramids in Egypt
Machu picchu in Peru
Israel the Holy Land
Road Trip for 6months
Snowboarding and Skiing✓
Ride Camel in Desert
Swim with Dolphins
Go on a Zipline✓
Ride a Gondola✓
Ride in a Helicopter
Go White Water Rafting
This is obviously not the final list as sometimes I change my mind about things! But there are also stuff that I am always adding to my Bucket List!!! Now get started on yours!!!
We all know that music can be such a powerful tool in our homes, work, church and even education learning environments. Children are taught through songs right from when they are born as they hear the melody and the words being sung to them from their mother’s lullabies. Children can feel a sense of calmness and security when they hear such familiar tunes. We too can be affected on a daily basis by the songs that we choose to listen to and influence our subconscious mind either positively or negatively.
I know for me whenever I get into the car there are just some songs that just take my thoughts into a negative space. So why not put that in my own hands and enjoy good music all the time. I also just love to listen to the music in the house especially during the times when I am cleaning to pump me up or doing a brain-dead job to keep me awake. Remember don’t feel like you need to fill your empty time with music sometimes it’s nice and refreshing to enjoy the peace and quiet every now and then.
Today I thought I would share my playlist of songs that I have created so I am being in control of what is coming and filling into my mind. My number one song is BRAVE by Sara Bareilles. This is a morning ritual song for Baby and I, we dance to this song for fun but also hoping that her subconscious will take in the message of being brave and amazing and not fearing those around her as she goes throughout her life.
P.S these are mainly my dancing songs so there are lots slower positive songs that I haven’t included
- Brave – Sara Bareilles
- Happy – Pharrell
- Where is the Love – Black Eye Peas
- I’m A Believer – Shrek
- Billionaire – Bruno Mars (Clean Version)
- Waka Waka – Shakira
What positive uplifting songs do you like to listen and dance too? Comment and Share your ideas and thoughts below. Don’t forget to create your own playlist and share with us!
“Within you there is a stillness and a sanctuary to which you can retreat any time.” HERMAN HESSE
Are you doing the same as me are you living life just running from work, home, church, gym, friends and always trying to focus on doing several tasks at the same time. When you are on your computer do you have many tabs open at one time? When you are working on a project you are easily distracted and move on to something else? Yay good to know I’m not alone. We live in such a crazy busy world where if we are not rushing from one place to another we have a lot of commotion going on around us or in our minds. We are constantly told that if you are not busy, you are not one of the elite. We always get told we need to do more and more so we can be better, smarter, good-looking, fitter, healthier but sometimes what we actually need to do is less.
I grew up in a fast pace home, if we weren’t at rugby practice, we had singing, piano or some other church program we were a part of. My mum never let us just sit down and not be busy. We always needed to make productive use of our time. It even comes to when I am eating breakfast I would rather eat it on the go or read or do something then actually sit down and eat a meal because I feel like I am not being productive.
While being married to my husband my perspective has somewhat shifted I would say not completely 180degrees more like 90degree shift. His whole philosophy is really taking your time, being careful, focusing on a task until it’s done which was very difficult for me to grasp of at first. I kept complaining how he was wasting his time just sitting there, how he can be multi-tasking etc. As of lately trying to apply the idea of “being present” into my life. I realised that I was just rushing through everything, I wasn’t enjoying food, I wasn’t enjoying my surroundings I wasn’t taking the time to appreciate being in the here and now. And that’s what got me to realise that I wasn’t even aware that I wasn’t even just standing STILL. Everything was always go go go from the moment I woke up.
We may need to say no to certain commitments, certain projects certain people in our lives that are sucking out our energy. This may be hard at first especially for me always trying to please people but it really does help to slow down your life and focus your time and energy on the things that really do matter. Or we may be completely fine but just need to take some out of the busy day to allow our conscious to be aware of the environment of how we are feeling of our breath of our thoughts and emotions. We really can achieve stillness anywhere we choose, we just need to be conscious about it and make space for it in our minds and body.
Practicing Stillness through Yoga
Lately I have been practicing the art of yoga which seems pretty easy for others but for me it has been one of the most difficult things especially just the listening to my breath. My mind cannot comprehend that it is okay to sit still and be still for more than a minute. The first couple of times I could only do the breathing thing for a minute and had to fast forward the videos so I could actually start doing some yoga moves. But as I have practiced I have managed to get comfortable with sitting still and listening to my breath. And it’s actually relaxing something I don’t let my mind experience very often. After practicing yoga I have also become so conscious of my breath throughout the day and didn’t realize how much I hold my breath.
I have listed some ways you can accomplish stillness throughout your day.
- Schedule some time for stillness on your phone or first thing in the morning
- Pick a favorite place you like to go to and just sit and enjoy
- Put on a guided meditation if you don’t think you can do it on your own at first
- Practice just breathing and listening to your breath. It’s true when you focus on something so intently your mind can’t wander as much.
- Start small… whether you meditate, ponder, day dream allow yourself to explore just being present.
I know that as you take time to be still in your day, you will have a clearer space to work from. You will be enlightened with new ideas. You will be invigorated your batteries will be charged and just that much more ready for whatever challenges that come your way.
Best Wishes my lovelies