“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” -Gandhi
You may wondering what is all this self awareness stuff got to do with relationships and marriage.Being self-aware in marriage or any relationship is an amazing skill that will allow you to communicate effectively and truly understand your environment and be able to take control of your own emotions. I guess for me my understanding is that if you don’t know yourself how are you able to get to know and love anybody else. Love comes from within, we need to give love to receive love and therefore being aware of who we are can help us develop love for ourselves. (Wow that’s some deep stuff right there haha) But for real though. All healthy relationships come from a deep understanding of self.
Self-awareness (sometimes also referred to as self-knowledge or introspection) is about understanding your own needs, desires, failings, habits, and everything else that makes you tick. The more you know about yourself, the better you are at adapting life changes that suit your needs.
We are literally like a onion we have sooo many layers to us to uncover and understand. I seriously find that the more I go on in life and continue to self reflect the more I connect the dots to why I do and think the way I do.
- Understanding our emotions—what we’re feeling and what triggered it—so we can effectively work through and transform our emotional responses (instead of using them to justify unhealthy choices)
- Recognizing our destructive thought patterns so we can redirect them
- Tuning into what’s going on in our bodies so we can learn from it and access our intuition
- Noticing our behavioral patterns and habits so that we can make adjustments to change negative ones
- Understanding our beliefs, assumptions, and expectations, and how they influence what we choose to do
- Accepting that we are responsible for our actions—even if we developed certain patterns in response to events from our past
Here are some activities that you can practice and implement into your life to help be self reflect.
- List You: What are your beliefs? What do you stand for? What are your likes and dislikes? What are fears? What are your goals? What do you believe your relationships should look like? What qualities do you have to contribute to your relationship?
- Question your thoughts or beliefs. Look at what you have written about yourself and now its time think objectively. For example ask yourself why do I prefer to demand that my partner come straight home after work? Why do I want him always with me? Why do I get mad when he wants to spend time with his friends? Ask yourself these questions whenever those times come up when you are frustrated at something your partner does. If you can’t in the moment then do it when you have calmed down. Is your belief legit or where does it stem from. You can dig deeper and deeper and find the root cause of your beliefs. It may be helpful to do this with a trusted friend, coach or therapist to guide you in the right direction.
- Keep a Journal: Not just what you ate for breakfast but include feelings and anything that will help you understand and reflect on yourself more. Like including what you ate for breakfast or why you didn’t how you were feeling in the moment can help when you go back to read and reflect. Writing a journal helps you identify patterns a lot more easier. So being consistency is key for this exercise. Journals are most effective if done over a long period of time from 6months-12months will give you some good insight on yourself.
- Evaluate: Now you have seen some of your qualities and recorded your behaviour in your journal. Set some goals on what you want to work on to improve your marriage or relationships. You can always keep on track coming back to your goals on a weekly basis to see how you are changing your behaviour. Some people need this written down others can just work on one at a time so it’s easier to keep track of. Remember you will not change overnight so keep working on it. Make your goals easy to monitor so you don’t feel too overwhelmed and give up.
Depending on how long you have been married you are probably so sick of trying to get your husband to remember anniversaries, birthdays, mother’s day or even just to be spontaneous and bring you flowers one day. When I first married my husband he was not very affectionate in those ways. When we took the love language test his top 3 were, words of affirmation, time and physical affection while mine was time and acts of service he started to realise what I loved and started to direct his actions towards my love language. But it didn’t happen immediately and I couldn’t force him anything against his will no matter how much I wanted to. The progress was slow and it took effort from the both of us, it required patience and understanding from each of us.
Evaluate Media Intake
How often are you watching movies and shows that show all the fairy tale relationships. While you and your spouse are trying to improve your relationship it would be helpful to decrease your intake of this type of media so you are not holding up crazy fairy tale expectations of your spouse. Even with social media when you see all your friends constantly posting all the fun things that their spouses do for them and there you are getting even more annoyed that your spouse isn’t doing the same thing! Until you are comfortable with where you are in your marriage have a media diet and limit your intake, it will be better for both your marriage and plus you will have more time for each other!!!!
This is not a nagging session and finding fault session this is a time to to loving tell your spouse how you feel. Begin the conversation by saying things that you love that your spouse does. Show him that there are awesome things that they do! Then bring up that which are your personal concerns. If you set a time to regularly meet together to talk about deep relationship topics this may it be easier to express your concerns so your spouse knows this is something that you are both working on together and that there is consistent accountability on a weekly or monthly basis.
Give Credit for the Small
Give credit at every opportunity you can. We all work this way when somebody recognizes a good behaviour of ours we are like little kids and we want to do it over and over again. Try and spot those times when your spouse has made the effort big or small. If it was a phone call or even a text message let your spouse know you appreciate them thinking of you during the day and sending that thoughtful message.
5 Love Language Tests
Last but definitely not least!!!! Do this test learn what rings with each other, what makes you and your spouse feel loved. If you have even more time, take some time to read the book if you want to get in depth into it. Understanding each other is so important so you can be a lot more empathetic and loving and understanding to how each other does things and why they do things.
I love the verse in the Book of Mormon
We are agents unto ourselves. We are here to act and not be acted upon.
Heavenly Father has given us a purpose in this life to be a part of His work and build his Kingdom here on earth. But we all have our own parts to play in this great work. Do you know where you fit in? Do you know what part you play into His amazing plan? Have you taken the time to ask Him these questions? Have you taken the time to listen to what He is communicating to you?
Once you come to the realization of what your purpose and role is, your vision starts to unfold naturally. Creating a vision of our entire life enables us to develop motivation, drive and purpose in the everyday things we do. When you create your vision you are consciously choosing to act for yourself and not to just flow to and fro with whatever comes your way. If you don’t create your vision the reality is you will be allowing other people and circumstances to direct your life. Whether you are creating a vision for your family or business the same principals apply.
Life is too short to be doing nothing or just going with the flo. Start today on living each day with purpose!
Questions to consider
Creating your vision doesn’t just happen instantly. For me it was here a little there a little until all the little pieces started to make sense. Even today I feel that I get more pieces as I have accomplished what I have received. I personally feel that God gives us enough to work on and then will give more once we have done that. To get started on your purpose and vision here are some questions to consider…
- What are my 5 most important values that I hold dear?
- What legacy do you want to leave behind?
- If you did not have any fear of people or failure what would you do?
- What would you do if you didn’t get paid?
- What are your natural talents?
- What experiences do you get the most joy from?
- Describe or draw your ideal life? 5, 10 20 years from now
I love visualizing my vision and each day manifesting it so that it comes true and I live it each day. My vision helps me align my actions every day so that I am living with purpose. When you create your vision, seek for clarity. Getting clear on what you want helps you achieve those lofty visions. Just saying “I want to be an entrepreneur” can only get you so far, it may just help you start thinking about different business ideas. But saying I am an creative entrepreneur promoting other creatives such as artists, musicians dancers to get more exposure. This vision clearly defines where you are heading. You will achieve better results with a clear vision. It is better to put all your eggs in one basket when it comes to your vision otherwise holding too many baskets with eggs will result in scrambled eggs.
Continuously go back to the source of all knowledge to help guide you through your journey of finding your purpose. He will direct and guide you so you know what it is you need to do to help you live a purpose driven life.
Here is an example.
Purpose: To serve and inspire
Mission: To create, share and provide tools for women who want to live a fulfilling and purpose driven life.
Vision: A world where women who live by faith, know their purpose are serving and are living life purposefully.
*** Featured Blogger***
Blogging is such an awesome way to get your thoughts out there. Whether people read your stuff or not, just writing is so therapeutic and gives your own way to express yourself. While some people like to sing, play music, paint, read a book, I enjoy writing, talking and sharing my thoughts with people. My head is full of way too many thoughts I need to just get it out on paper so my head doesn’t burst, therefore blogging provides a perfect medium. Seeing my husband is usually busy with work and school blogging is what I have turned to.
Lots of people before me have done the same, and turned to blogging as a form of helping them express and be themselves. We all need to start somewhere, and the beginning is the perfect place. Whether you are still contemplating on doing a blog in your mind or fear is holding you back just get over it. I would just recommend you to get started!!! You can write a few posts and not share it with anyone. It can be just for you for however long until you have the courage to share it with one person then more and more as you gain more confidence.
- Overcome fear of people– Why are we letting other people determine our lives? Why are we allowing them to determine our destiny? We need to take control and responsibility for ourselves.
- Start Writing– Write for yourself. Be real, be true be you! Whether you use WordPress or blogger or any other format just get writing.
- Share your stuff– Share with your friends? Share it with those you care about? Then share it with whomever you desire… There is someone out there that is bound to be grateful for what you have shared. Sharing is caring right!!!
- Monetize – Eventually if you stick through with it, you can eventually get paid. There are so many ways to make extra money with blogging some bloggers make up to 6 figures. Megan from caffinatedmomspeakshas written some great ways to make money while blogging. Check her blog out, she is an awesome example of overcoming trials in her life to get where she is.
So what stage are you at? Where do you want to get to? Let us know some of your thoughts and ideas on blogging and blogs. Comment or share if you found this useful!
I love talking about achieving dreams and chasing after your dream whatever it may be. I also enjoy being a dreamer myself but more importantly acting on my dreams!!! Often I’ve been called a fool for going after what seemed like impossible and crazy dreams but in the end have come out on top! That’s why I love saying dream chasers not just dreamers!!! In previous posts I have mentioned before that starting this blog was just a dream at one point but slowly and surely, it has become a reality thanks to you all out there reading and supporting me in this!! So thanks guys!!!!
Today thecoolgirlsguide.com wants to extend an opportunity out there for those who are interested in being a guest writer for their website. They are looking for women who want to write to help inspire other women achieve their dreams. If you feel you have some valuable information or experience to share, this may be an opportunity just for you. Or if you are wanting to get your name out there this could be a stepping stone for bigger things!!!
thecoolgirlsguide.com is targeted toward women who want to become successful in whatever aspect of life they are in. Whether you are a leader, entrepreneur, writer, geek, or diva they have something for you. They also showcase books written by women for women. If you are looking for extra support on your journey of chasing your dreams, this may be a good place to have a look. Being an entrepreneur can sometimes feel like a lonely journey at times but it doesn’t have to be. There are so many support groups out there!
So if this is something you may be interested go visit them right now!! Be a doer and don’t let opportunities just pass you by!!! Visit www.thecoolgirlsguide.com today!
Trust your Passion. Identify your Dreams then find the courage to share that with others, no matter how many times they call you a fool – Bill Strickland
We all have dreams and they do change at different times in our life for example when I was 5 I wanted to be a famous singer like Selena but as I grew older that grew dimmer as I realized I didn’t have naturally fabulous vocals and it required more time than I wanted to put in therefore I changed my mind about becoming a famous singer haha But today I wanted to share my dream board during this time of my life. I love visuals and this is perfect to get a quick overview. I did this activity with my husband when we first got married for a date night.
1. Protect The Family Unit 2. Live my Faith 3. Education is Ongoing 4.Serving continuously 5.Fill mind with Positive and Motivational messages 6.Strive for Financial Freedom 7. Own my own Ride 8. Live Comfortably 9.Mastering the basics Health Wellbeing 10.Teaching Sharing Building/Lifting Others 11. Perfect my Marriage 12. Create Adventurous Memories 13.Creating the home as a safe Haven for my family.
What does your dreamboard look like? Would love to see hear some of your ideas of that which you hope to accomplish in your lifetime! We can do it and push aside negativity that may be holding us back from reachingthose dreams!