Lets face it, this is just a difficult time to keep the romance alive. You just had a baby, you are still feeling bloated, and your bodies trying to adapt to the hormones and everything post pregnancy whether you are breastfeeding or recovering from a c-section. But all reasons aside we can’t just abandon this aspect of our marriage completely. If anything this is such an important time for you and your spouse as he may be feeling more neglected with the new baby in the house. The truth is if you are not looking after yourself and your marriage first, this will reflect in your parenting. So in order to be a better mother be a better wife first. ( p.s this photo was taken literally a day after we had our 2nd baby at the hospital! first official date night after baby and she was in the nursery just down the hall hahaha)
- Try and have the baby sleep in their own crib or bassinet. This is hard at first especially if you are nursing and fall asleep during it (like me) But if you prefer to co-sleep use one of those attachments to your bed so that you and your spouse still have your own space.
2. Self Care! This is something I always neglect but have come to see the importance in lately. Even just waking up earlier to have a nice shower, even putting on makeup and doing your hair can do wonders for you. For me I just enjoy going for a walk in the morning. It is so easy to get caught up in the drab of being in your p.js all day long. At least dressing up will make you look more cuddly even if you don’t really feel like it.
3. Communicate with your spouse. Help him understand that time together will be less but when you do get time together ensure that it is QUALITY TIME! Talk and plan what things you can do as soon as you get that time alone.
4. Set specific Date nights. Right now we can’t really leave our little one with anyone so we always set at least 10mins aside each day to talk with each other. It really has become my favorite part of the day, even though I get sick of his work stories I just enjoy where our conversations end up. While the kids are asleep pop out the ice cream or the goodies and have a date night in the kitchen or on the deck outside. Creativity is KEY!!
Would love to know your ideas and thoughts. Email me or message me at firstname.lastname@example.org.
“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” -Gandhi
You may wondering what is all this self awareness stuff got to do with relationships and marriage.Being self-aware in marriage or any relationship is an amazing skill that will allow you to communicate effectively and truly understand your environment and be able to take control of your own emotions. I guess for me my understanding is that if you don’t know yourself how are you able to get to know and love anybody else. Love comes from within, we need to give love to receive love and therefore being aware of who we are can help us develop love for ourselves. (Wow that’s some deep stuff right there haha) But for real though. All healthy relationships come from a deep understanding of self.
Self-awareness (sometimes also referred to as self-knowledge or introspection) is about understanding your own needs, desires, failings, habits, and everything else that makes you tick. The more you know about yourself, the better you are at adapting life changes that suit your needs.
We are literally like a onion we have sooo many layers to us to uncover and understand. I seriously find that the more I go on in life and continue to self reflect the more I connect the dots to why I do and think the way I do.
- Understanding our emotions—what we’re feeling and what triggered it—so we can effectively work through and transform our emotional responses (instead of using them to justify unhealthy choices)
- Recognizing our destructive thought patterns so we can redirect them
- Tuning into what’s going on in our bodies so we can learn from it and access our intuition
- Noticing our behavioral patterns and habits so that we can make adjustments to change negative ones
- Understanding our beliefs, assumptions, and expectations, and how they influence what we choose to do
- Accepting that we are responsible for our actions—even if we developed certain patterns in response to events from our past
Here are some activities that you can practice and implement into your life to help be self reflect.
- List You: What are your beliefs? What do you stand for? What are your likes and dislikes? What are fears? What are your goals? What do you believe your relationships should look like? What qualities do you have to contribute to your relationship?
- Question your thoughts or beliefs. Look at what you have written about yourself and now its time think objectively. For example ask yourself why do I prefer to demand that my partner come straight home after work? Why do I want him always with me? Why do I get mad when he wants to spend time with his friends? Ask yourself these questions whenever those times come up when you are frustrated at something your partner does. If you can’t in the moment then do it when you have calmed down. Is your belief legit or where does it stem from. You can dig deeper and deeper and find the root cause of your beliefs. It may be helpful to do this with a trusted friend, coach or therapist to guide you in the right direction.
- Keep a Journal: Not just what you ate for breakfast but include feelings and anything that will help you understand and reflect on yourself more. Like including what you ate for breakfast or why you didn’t how you were feeling in the moment can help when you go back to read and reflect. Writing a journal helps you identify patterns a lot more easier. So being consistency is key for this exercise. Journals are most effective if done over a long period of time from 6months-12months will give you some good insight on yourself.
- Evaluate: Now you have seen some of your qualities and recorded your behaviour in your journal. Set some goals on what you want to work on to improve your marriage or relationships. You can always keep on track coming back to your goals on a weekly basis to see how you are changing your behaviour. Some people need this written down others can just work on one at a time so it’s easier to keep track of. Remember you will not change overnight so keep working on it. Make your goals easy to monitor so you don’t feel too overwhelmed and give up.
Lets face it we will never be completely and fully ready for anything in life? How many of us were ready to go to school for the first day? Or start a new job or college or anything. I know I wasn’t ever ready but I did it and I became better because I jumped in it with faith and hope and an attitude to work at it. Marriage is a big step and although we may never be completely ready for it there are some things that we can do to better prepare ourselves for this lifelong commitment. Here are some general questions to ask yourself if you are wondering if you are ready for this marriage thing!
Is my relationship with God priority above all else?
If you do not have solid foundations you will not be able to stand. Do you feel your relationship with God is superficial work on it? Your relationship with God is the foundation for any marriage if it is strong you will be able to withstand whatever trials that may come your way.
Have I fallen in Love with Myself?
One of the worst things a girl can do is going into a marriage being self-conscious, jealous and emotionally unstable. We need to love ourselves first. We need to have a deep knowledge and understanding and love of who we are wherever we are at in our life. When we can find love from within us we don’t need to compare ourselves to other women and feel insecure about ourselves. Many women break down and fall apart when their spouse isn’t there for them but as we know how to love ourselves wecan handle these situationsWe enjoy love from others but also know that we don’t heavily depend on it because our love from inside is greater and we know that we have a greater source of love which is God and His love is unconditional.
Am I willing to be Selfless in all aspects of my life?
Marriage is selfless. You need to be doing things for the sake of the marriage not for your own personal gain. From the children to your sexual intimacy marriage is doing things for each other.
Am I willing to be open and vulnerable in my marriage?
When we are open and vulnerable this is where REAL TRUST is built. When we communicate our true feelings and emotions it builds strength in your relationship. Some people may look at this as a sign of weakness but know that when you do this your partner will be able to confide in you as well and you start building true foundations of trust, love and commitment all because you were willing to be open and vulnerable.
Am I humble enough to admit fault and learn?
Humility is big if you are humble enough to know when you are wrong and also willing to admit fault this will take you a long way. Communicating is vital to let your partner know how you are feeling and expressing it in a loving and calm way.
Am I committed to being with this one person through thick and thin and accept where they are at?
Who you decide to marry is not going to change overnight. Too often we want to change them but the fact of the matter is we can’t change anybody. It has to come from within themselves. We as partners need to love them for where they are at and how far they have become. It does not mean we lose sight of their potential but we love them along this journey.
What would you add to the list? Would love to hear your thoughts? If you are working on some of these and would like to get some more personal advice I would love to talk to you. Email me at email@example.com.
Some of these topics may be hard to bring up especially during dating. But create an environment where you can discuss this openly and honestly. The more open and honest you are with these topics before marriage or serious courtship the less headache and heartache it will be down the road. Keep in mind that this is not the end all be all, opinions and views can change over years of being together.
Childhood Upbringing/Previous Relationships
How did your parents handle arguments? How did you communicate with your parents? How long before issues were solved in your home? What would you do different? What did you love about your upbringing? What were some difficulties in your previous relationships? Whether you realize it or not your upbringing has a massive part to play in how your relationship will unravel. Talking about what your families did and what you liked and didn’t like will help you and your partner know why you do the things you do and what things you want to change. Previous relationships also play a part if you came from a emotionally abusive relationship you may bring these emotions to your current relationship which may hinder your progress together. Talk and discuss ways you can start fresh with each other and not let the past affect what the bright future is able to hold for you both.
Faith and Core Value Beliefs
What church or congregation you want you family to go to? What values you want to instill in your children? What traditions you will be bringing into the home? What morals you wish your children to learn? Are you okay with your spouse having a different faith to you? With different cultures talk about the differences in beliefs and ways of thinking. Find a good mix between the two but don’t feel like all has to be set in stone right now.
Previous or Current Addictions
Have you viewed pornography? How often? To what extent? Have you been addicted to any drugs or alcohol or any form of medications? Knowing this may be able to help you understand your spouse a little better. If they seem to be going back down that track you have already discussed it previously and your partner may be able to help and give support during these times.
Do you have debt? How much debt do you have? How much are you willing to spend on a car? or shoes? How well do you save? Are we going to have a split or separate bank account? Talking about your finances in the beginning can save a lot of assumptions and headache down the line. Be open about where you are at financially so you can be there for each other and keep each other accountable as you both set goals together.
Autonomy & Boundaries
Do you like your independance? Do you enjoy doing hobbies alone or together? How often do you want to do your own thing? How often do you want to do things with your friends? Do you want a shared FB account? Do we share passwords for all email and social media accounts? Do we have a date night once a week? Do we go to our in laws one every other week?
Do you see yourself having children? What if we can’t have children? Are you wanting or open to adoption? Who will be the stay home parent? Will you both be working? What kind of day care or education do you want your children to have? Will you be paying for college tuition? Children are a massive part of marriage and family life so let’s iron out some of the bigger topics.
Where are you living? What are you doing? Where do you see yourself? How do you vacation? What kind of home are you living in? What are things you want to accomplish? What things can you not live without? What things are you willing to compromise on? What things can you not stand in your current life?
Discuss these topics on a date night? Go through one each day take it slow and go into as much detail as you like. This exercise may take several weeks but as you do enjoy learning about each other and your views on life marriage and family.
Depending on how long you have been married you are probably so sick of trying to get your husband to remember anniversaries, birthdays, mother’s day or even just to be spontaneous and bring you flowers one day. When I first married my husband he was not very affectionate in those ways. When we took the love language test his top 3 were, words of affirmation, time and physical affection while mine was time and acts of service he started to realise what I loved and started to direct his actions towards my love language. But it didn’t happen immediately and I couldn’t force him anything against his will no matter how much I wanted to. The progress was slow and it took effort from the both of us, it required patience and understanding from each of us.
Evaluate Media Intake
How often are you watching movies and shows that show all the fairy tale relationships. While you and your spouse are trying to improve your relationship it would be helpful to decrease your intake of this type of media so you are not holding up crazy fairy tale expectations of your spouse. Even with social media when you see all your friends constantly posting all the fun things that their spouses do for them and there you are getting even more annoyed that your spouse isn’t doing the same thing! Until you are comfortable with where you are in your marriage have a media diet and limit your intake, it will be better for both your marriage and plus you will have more time for each other!!!!
This is not a nagging session and finding fault session this is a time to to loving tell your spouse how you feel. Begin the conversation by saying things that you love that your spouse does. Show him that there are awesome things that they do! Then bring up that which are your personal concerns. If you set a time to regularly meet together to talk about deep relationship topics this may it be easier to express your concerns so your spouse knows this is something that you are both working on together and that there is consistent accountability on a weekly or monthly basis.
Give Credit for the Small
Give credit at every opportunity you can. We all work this way when somebody recognizes a good behaviour of ours we are like little kids and we want to do it over and over again. Try and spot those times when your spouse has made the effort big or small. If it was a phone call or even a text message let your spouse know you appreciate them thinking of you during the day and sending that thoughtful message.
5 Love Language Tests
Last but definitely not least!!!! Do this test learn what rings with each other, what makes you and your spouse feel loved. If you have even more time, take some time to read the book if you want to get in depth into it. Understanding each other is so important so you can be a lot more empathetic and loving and understanding to how each other does things and why they do things.
Growing up I never noticed that I had insecurities I had always thought of myself as a pretty confident person. I performed in front of hundreds of people, I wore what I wanted, I danced like nobody’s business and could sing down the aisle of a grocery store and not care about anybody around me. I didn’t start connecting any dots until I started noticing my marriage going downhill very early in our relationship. I was jealous, suspicious, afraid, self-conscious, controlling, and paranoid to say the least. It was driving both my husband and I crazy that I was feeling this way, when I knew I had no logical reasoning to feel this way. I had to figure this out and this is when I decided to get outside help. I turned to reading lots self-help books, articles, and listening to marriage podcasts to try and figure out what was wrong with my husband. Eventually came to realize it was me who had to change. It was me who was still carrying deep emotional baggage from past experiences.
We all have insecurities within us to some degree or another and it’s okay to admit them. We have this wonderful thing called imagination that can help us create beautiful amazing things. Or it can take us the opposite direction of fear, anxiety of imagined situations that take control of our mind and body. Fear, doubt and anxiety can creep into our marriage anytime, whether it is because of past experiences that have caused deep wounds, expectations of ourselves and others or some recent rejection or failure. I have collected a few ideas to help those out there who may have been struggling like I did.
- Recognize and Identify your Insecurities and understand WHY you feel that way? Go deep!
- Tell the difference between imagination and reality. (If you don’t trust your husband is it because he’s something he has done or is it because past experiences you think may repeat again?) Write down all the reasons why that imagined situation is not true.
- Avoid things that increase your insecurities: E.g. social media, unfollow friends that don’t help you boost your self-confidence or avoid movies or tv shows that decrease feeling of self-worth of yourself or your relationship
- Create a New Story: Tell yourself new stories and live them. Use affirmations, declarations or reframes to help you paint a new picture or yourself and your marriage.
- Talk to your spouse/partner about it. Be open with it and let him know what you are struggling with so he can be your support on this journey. When my husband understood my trust issues where because of experiences in my childhood he was very understanding and realized he wasn’t the problem.
This really isn’t an overnight process. It is something that I have to continuously work on. It can last from a few weeks to months even up to a year to work through these beliefs. It will take continuous effort but I know you can do it! The results are freeing and immeasurable! I promise as you continue to work on releasing and understanding your insecurities you will see greater happiness, freedom and joy in your life. Self reflecting really is the first step to improving one’s marriage and relationships.
If you have further questions I would love to talk to you. Leave your questions below or contact me with any questions at firstname.lastname@example.org.
You are amazing! You are worthy! You are Beautiful! xo Tracy
Online dating industry is a multimillion dollar industry, but it can be extremely frustrating as there is just so many sites out there. If you’ve decided you want to join the community but you don’t know where to start, or you are not new to the game, but you want to find a better dating site, here are some tips on how to find the best dating sites that are just the right for you. Here are some
What to Look For in a Dating Site
First of all, you have to know what you are looking for. There are so many dating sites out there that it can be overwhelming if you are looking for one but you are new to the whole thing. Deciding what exactly you are looking for can be crucial and can facilitate your search and save you a lot of headaches. But what exactly sets aside the best online dating sites from all others? One thing you might want to look for is the amount of registered people. The more people there are in a given site, the more likely you are to meet the one you are looking for. A large community is also a good indication that this is amongst the best dating sites out there. Another thing to look for is user-friendly sites. You have to be able to effortlessly browse through the site as you will most likely spend a good amount of time there. Some sites are paid, some are free to use, while others require a fee for some additional services. Are you willing to spend a couple of bucks in order to get some additional services, or you don’t want to invest money in such things. And while paid sites may offer more, the downside is the registered users are usually fewer. Some pay-to-use platforms are amongst the best dating sites in terms of features and quality, but the terrible population count makes them less attractive. The advanced search options are another important thing you should look for. Some sites allow you to sort people by marital status, or astrological sign, and this might be important for you. Being able to narrow your search can save you a lot of time and efforts.
Many Are Looking for the Same Thing You Do
Maybe you are looking for a short-term relationship, or you want to find that special one to spend the rest of your days with? Well let me tell you, you are not alone. And that is the beauty of it, there are all sorts of people out there, and chances are, you will find just what you are looking for, as long as you join the best online dating sites for you. Best wishes on your endeavours!
Sponsored Post by Bestdatingsite.biz
*** SPONSORED GUEST POST***
We all need love!!!! Whether we are a few days old or 99. Dating over the age of fifty is a decision that needs many facts to be concerned. In this age, it is very important to know that what you actually want and what you cannot compromise with any condition. Here are some factors that most of the people consider in their over 50 dating and we are going to discuss.
Many singles have a preference that their partner should be healthy and there are mainly two reasons behind this concern. The first reason is the monetary needs and the second is care and attention that an ill person will need. People who have spent their whole life to earn money, do not want a partner who would use up their bank accounts for health expenses. But, if we see the other side of this issue, then it would be right to say that no one knows when he/she will get ill and need money for his treatment. So, what is right? It depends on the choice of the person that whether he can manage with an ill person who need regular care or he would prefer to choose another person.
Money needs are not only concerned with the health only, there are many other issues. A living man always needs money to manage his daily expenses where food, cloth and shelter hold the top place. So, a person, who has gathered money for his future in advance before his retirement or is still doing the job, wants a partner with the same financial status. Such a person who has spent his whole life in fulfilling the wishes of his family, does not want a person in this age who will totally depend on his money.
The other concern about join over 50 dating sites is physical attraction. Most of the people agree with the fact that physical attraction does matter a lot. According to them if there is no physical attraction, then the chances for a relationship to go long are very less. On the contrary, some people give more preference to love and care. If they find that their would-be partner is able to fulfill the emotional needs and they too feel satisfied with him, then physical attraction holds no place. There is another fact behind it, love and affection are such things in human life that they go on increasing with the age. Thus, the people, who have remained deprived of love and warmth in the previous years, don’t take physical attraction as a more important factor.
When it comes to using over 50 dating sites, most of the people are worried about that how they will find their partner. It is because that after retirement, many people stay at home and have no outings. But, in this era of internet, nothing is impossible. There are a number of dating websites which are specially designed for older people who are over fifty. So, finding a desired person is no more difficult. Once you register for any of these sites and you will be amazed to find so many single people as you can easily find the one you are looking for.
Whether you are attracted to the sun kissed tan skin, tattoos or crazy fun personalities here are a few tips on attracting a good Polynesian Boy. (I also have quite a few friends looking for poly boys so I’ve written this out to help a sister out!!!) Here are a few tips and tricks…
- Feed Him – every island boy likes to eat and knows how to eat, even if it don’t taste good they will still eat!
- Feed yourself – island boys like a girl who knows how to eat who doesn’t just take a few bites and say I’m full… One he will get mad you wasted his money so then probably clean your plate off for you. So order more than just a salad.
- Love his Mum – most important women in their life you get on her good side you are set!
- Bring food to his family – food speaks to the heart of the whole family, they know you care if you bring the whole family food plus you are preparing yourself for the future family events that require your contributions!
- Stand in the kitchen – at family events be in the kitchen pretend to help cook even if you don’t know what you are doing!
- Sit with his sisters – sisters will make your life a misery or bliss get on their good side too they come second inline to their mum and will do anything for them so be prepared!
- Know how to mock and take mocks – our whole world revolves around mocking, you just need to learn to toughen up and take it or be crushed by all the uncles and brothers
- Dress like a Nun – no islander families want to see you rock up in your mini skirt to a family function dress appropriately so you don’t get all their evil eyes because you have stunning legs!
- Go to church with him – Going to church shows you are a good girl all island boys like a good girl in the long run and deep down even if they do play up big time!
- No Public Affection – Don’t be posting kissing photos on Facebook especially if you are friends with family, no one wants to see all that stuff, with our conservative island cultures you stay on the safe side and keep it between you two. Gossip always spreads like wildfire!
You have probably noticed majority of these tips are surrounded by food… its true you can never go wrong with this one! Share, comment or like!!!!
Photocredit: I Leelo Photography