“Our greatness lies not so much in being able to remake the world as being able to remake ourselves.” -Gandhi
You may wondering what is all this self awareness stuff got to do with relationships and marriage.Being self-aware in marriage or any relationship is an amazing skill that will allow you to communicate effectively and truly understand your environment and be able to take control of your own emotions. I guess for me my understanding is that if you don’t know yourself how are you able to get to know and love anybody else. Love comes from within, we need to give love to receive love and therefore being aware of who we are can help us develop love for ourselves. (Wow that’s some deep stuff right there haha) But for real though. All healthy relationships come from a deep understanding of self.
Self-awareness (sometimes also referred to as self-knowledge or introspection) is about understanding your own needs, desires, failings, habits, and everything else that makes you tick. The more you know about yourself, the better you are at adapting life changes that suit your needs.
We are literally like a onion we have sooo many layers to us to uncover and understand. I seriously find that the more I go on in life and continue to self reflect the more I connect the dots to why I do and think the way I do.
- Understanding our emotions—what we’re feeling and what triggered it—so we can effectively work through and transform our emotional responses (instead of using them to justify unhealthy choices)
- Recognizing our destructive thought patterns so we can redirect them
- Tuning into what’s going on in our bodies so we can learn from it and access our intuition
- Noticing our behavioral patterns and habits so that we can make adjustments to change negative ones
- Understanding our beliefs, assumptions, and expectations, and how they influence what we choose to do
- Accepting that we are responsible for our actions—even if we developed certain patterns in response to events from our past
Here are some activities that you can practice and implement into your life to help be self reflect.
- List You: What are your beliefs? What do you stand for? What are your likes and dislikes? What are fears? What are your goals? What do you believe your relationships should look like? What qualities do you have to contribute to your relationship?
- Question your thoughts or beliefs. Look at what you have written about yourself and now its time think objectively. For example ask yourself why do I prefer to demand that my partner come straight home after work? Why do I want him always with me? Why do I get mad when he wants to spend time with his friends? Ask yourself these questions whenever those times come up when you are frustrated at something your partner does. If you can’t in the moment then do it when you have calmed down. Is your belief legit or where does it stem from. You can dig deeper and deeper and find the root cause of your beliefs. It may be helpful to do this with a trusted friend, coach or therapist to guide you in the right direction.
- Keep a Journal: Not just what you ate for breakfast but include feelings and anything that will help you understand and reflect on yourself more. Like including what you ate for breakfast or why you didn’t how you were feeling in the moment can help when you go back to read and reflect. Writing a journal helps you identify patterns a lot more easier. So being consistency is key for this exercise. Journals are most effective if done over a long period of time from 6months-12months will give you some good insight on yourself.
- Evaluate: Now you have seen some of your qualities and recorded your behaviour in your journal. Set some goals on what you want to work on to improve your marriage or relationships. You can always keep on track coming back to your goals on a weekly basis to see how you are changing your behaviour. Some people need this written down others can just work on one at a time so it’s easier to keep track of. Remember you will not change overnight so keep working on it. Make your goals easy to monitor so you don’t feel too overwhelmed and give up.
I love the verse in the Book of Mormon
We are agents unto ourselves. We are here to act and not be acted upon.
Heavenly Father has given us a purpose in this life to be a part of His work and build his Kingdom here on earth. But we all have our own parts to play in this great work. Do you know where you fit in? Do you know what part you play into His amazing plan? Have you taken the time to ask Him these questions? Have you taken the time to listen to what He is communicating to you?
Once you come to the realization of what your purpose and role is, your vision starts to unfold naturally. Creating a vision of our entire life enables us to develop motivation, drive and purpose in the everyday things we do. When you create your vision you are consciously choosing to act for yourself and not to just flow to and fro with whatever comes your way. If you don’t create your vision the reality is you will be allowing other people and circumstances to direct your life. Whether you are creating a vision for your family or business the same principals apply.
Life is too short to be doing nothing or just going with the flo. Start today on living each day with purpose!
Questions to consider
Creating your vision doesn’t just happen instantly. For me it was here a little there a little until all the little pieces started to make sense. Even today I feel that I get more pieces as I have accomplished what I have received. I personally feel that God gives us enough to work on and then will give more once we have done that. To get started on your purpose and vision here are some questions to consider…
- What are my 5 most important values that I hold dear?
- What legacy do you want to leave behind?
- If you did not have any fear of people or failure what would you do?
- What would you do if you didn’t get paid?
- What are your natural talents?
- What experiences do you get the most joy from?
- Describe or draw your ideal life? 5, 10 20 years from now
I love visualizing my vision and each day manifesting it so that it comes true and I live it each day. My vision helps me align my actions every day so that I am living with purpose. When you create your vision, seek for clarity. Getting clear on what you want helps you achieve those lofty visions. Just saying “I want to be an entrepreneur” can only get you so far, it may just help you start thinking about different business ideas. But saying I am an creative entrepreneur promoting other creatives such as artists, musicians dancers to get more exposure. This vision clearly defines where you are heading. You will achieve better results with a clear vision. It is better to put all your eggs in one basket when it comes to your vision otherwise holding too many baskets with eggs will result in scrambled eggs.
Continuously go back to the source of all knowledge to help guide you through your journey of finding your purpose. He will direct and guide you so you know what it is you need to do to help you live a purpose driven life.
Here is an example.
Purpose: To serve and inspire
Mission: To create, share and provide tools for women who want to live a fulfilling and purpose driven life.
Vision: A world where women who live by faith, know their purpose are serving and are living life purposefully.
*** Featured Blogger***
Blogging is such an awesome way to get your thoughts out there. Whether people read your stuff or not, just writing is so therapeutic and gives your own way to express yourself. While some people like to sing, play music, paint, read a book, I enjoy writing, talking and sharing my thoughts with people. My head is full of way too many thoughts I need to just get it out on paper so my head doesn’t burst, therefore blogging provides a perfect medium. Seeing my husband is usually busy with work and school blogging is what I have turned to.
Lots of people before me have done the same, and turned to blogging as a form of helping them express and be themselves. We all need to start somewhere, and the beginning is the perfect place. Whether you are still contemplating on doing a blog in your mind or fear is holding you back just get over it. I would just recommend you to get started!!! You can write a few posts and not share it with anyone. It can be just for you for however long until you have the courage to share it with one person then more and more as you gain more confidence.
- Overcome fear of people– Why are we letting other people determine our lives? Why are we allowing them to determine our destiny? We need to take control and responsibility for ourselves.
- Start Writing– Write for yourself. Be real, be true be you! Whether you use WordPress or blogger or any other format just get writing.
- Share your stuff– Share with your friends? Share it with those you care about? Then share it with whomever you desire… There is someone out there that is bound to be grateful for what you have shared. Sharing is caring right!!!
- Monetize – Eventually if you stick through with it, you can eventually get paid. There are so many ways to make extra money with blogging some bloggers make up to 6 figures. Megan from caffinatedmomspeakshas written some great ways to make money while blogging. Check her blog out, she is an awesome example of overcoming trials in her life to get where she is.
So what stage are you at? Where do you want to get to? Let us know some of your thoughts and ideas on blogging and blogs. Comment or share if you found this useful!
Yes we probably spend way too much time on YouTube than we really need to.. But it’s addicting entertainment it’s hard not to just move from one video to the next and before we know it we have spent more hours than intended or maybe you were productive and learnt something new.. Anyways this post is so you can actually have a legit reason for being on YouTube. Obviously you have seen a growing trend in YouTube famous celebrities.. I wonder if they will end up doing some YouTube academy awards soon… anyways…
If you have been contemplating in your mind to start your own YouTube Channel but haven’t had the courage to do so… JUST DO IT! Today I decided to compile a list of tips for those who wish to become YouTube FAMOUS with the help of Antonia Antonella! She is a beauty and lifestyle vlogger, currently living in New Zealand with a cute German accent.
1. Define your Audience and know what they want – if you can cater your content to your audience you will be more likely be followed if you are giving them what they want…Also experiment with new things that other YouTube are not doing. Be original but not fake.
2. Consistency – Similar with TV shows people know that Wednesday night 7pm their favorite show is going to come on. If you are consistent you will more likely maintain a close loyal fan base that will support you along your journey. Set a time for them to expect a video posted.. once a week is generally best practice.
3. You don’t need the fanciest equipment but take it pride in your work. Personally I like videos that a better quality, I also like edited videos with fun music have intro, it looks more professional and put together. Also have good lighting, whether you film during the day in front of a window or you get some nice lighting equipment so we can see that beautiful face. Oh and make sure you don’t have too much clutter and mess in the background please. Nice clean backdrop is easy on our eyes so we focus on what you are saying not your pile of clothes and last nights dinner on your bed.
4. Be yourself – Just be you, don’t try to imitate another you-tuber. We can tell if you are fake or not… Just be you you you because only you can be the best you. There is bound to want to follow you because they feel connected to you.
5. SEO YouTube Optimize it – You need to know this stuff to a certain degree, and it’s helpful if you want your videos to get more views and subscribers.
6. Thumbnail Images that catch attention. I generally click on those images that catch my eye with bold headings and titles. So try stick out from the crowd a little by adding this little touch.
Antonia has just begun her YouTube channel dedicated to beauty and makeup and pretty much her lifestyle. She has done such a great job of building her brand image. If you have more questions head over to her channel and ask I am sure she would love to help! Also check her on Twitter: tonixantonella and Instagram: antoniaxantonella.
Now what are you waiting for?? get filming!!!
At first Affirmations just seemed really airy fairy to me. How could just reading sentences help me each day? As I researched further into affirmations I didn’t realize how powerful they were! And that there were so many successful people using affirmations to help them in their everyday life. In general Affirmations are sentences you read daily that will help you align your big Vision of who you are with your daily actions. I knew this is something that I was lacking and I needed.
We all know the saying that we become who we hang around with… But an even more powerful statement is also true “You become who you SAY you are”… (I don’t know who said that but I’m positive it’s out there just google it!) In our daily talk we probably say many negative things about ourselves…. I am OCD, I am a Scatterbrain, I am messy, My thighs are fat, I can’t run, I am all over the show etc…. But little do we realize the more we say these about ourselves the more we become those people! If you really do want to change those behaviours then you need to BEGIN BY FIRST changing your language!!!
I decided I wanted to create my own affirmations, with many areas that I needed to work on I decided to focus in on a few main areas first. Mainly I wanted to work on being a better disciple of Christ a better wife and I wanted to work on getting more confidence with blogging. After a week of repeating my affirmations, I noticed a difference in my work ethic and my relationship with my husband. Although it seems so cliche seeing this but it really does work. I have created this video to explain in a little more detail my process, and the 5 steps I used to creating my affirmations.
It’s the repetition of affirmations that leads to a belief. And once that belief becomes a deep conviction, things begin to happen. – MUHAMMAD ALI
So if you think you need some help on staying focused on your goals!! Get out a pen and paper and take some notes!!! Below are some examples of affirmations you can get inspiration from. Remember create your affirmations one of the many tools to help you uncover the best you that you can be!
I AM BEAUTIFUL INSIDE AND OUT
I AM FILLED WITH MANY TALENTS AND GIFTS
I LIVE IN ABUNDANCE
I FREELY LOVE AND RECEIVE LOVE
I HAVE A HEALTHY BODY AND MIND
MY MARRIAGE IS STRONGER AND HEALTHIER EACH DAY
MY BUSINESS IS GROWING EXPANDING AND THRIVING
I AM FILLED WITH POSITIVITY ABOUT MYSELF AND OTHERS
I AM STRONG AND INDEPENDANT
I AM A MAGNET OF OPPORTUNITY AND WEALTH
The book 7 habits of Highly Effective People written by an awesome author Steven Covey. I was first introduced to this author while at university in one of my marketing classes. His theory of the Time management theory was one of the theories we were learning. When I read about his matrix it really strung a couple of chords with me, being curious at who the author behind this Time Management theory was I googled him and found out he studied at BYU and Utah university and instantly loved him and this theory haha
I went on to read more things from this author and one of his most recognized books is The 7 habits of highly effective people. Today I just wanted to touch on one point in this book. He says imagine being at a funeral, you walk up to the casket and the person you see in there is you. He says imagine what things you would like said about you. Choose three words that you would want for your life to be described?
After reading this section it really made me think deeper than normal. I had to search within myself to figure out WHO I AM.. and know WHAT MY PURPOSE is… I had to evaluate this over a couple of days to choose what would I want people to say about me. After pondering for a bit I decided on these three words…
SERVE: Service is my first word. Ever since I can remember I have always wanted to serve those around me, in my teenage years went through a selfish stage so I am still trying to make a comeback. For me I believe service is my prime reason to why I am here on earth. Whether it’s to serve my children and help them get ready to school to serving a full time mission or doing Humanitarian work in third world countries. I know I have always received the greatest joy whenever I am serving others. So my biggest mission is to serve in anyway I can. I would love to be known as somebody always serving. Obviously the most well known people who served are those as Mother Theresa, or Ghandi but we can do it small ways in our homes and communities.
INSPIRE: I love this word because it just makes me jump. Seeing people get out of their comfort zone and doing something they never thought they could gives me my motivation. Inspiring others is a goal for me because it makes me live in such a way so that I can speak with authenticity. I also love being inspired by people, I get inspired by a people are going through illnesses but still manages to keep a smile on their face. I am inspired by a teenage mother who goes back to school and tries to build a new future for her and her child. I am inspired by people in history who suffered and travelled and fought for their freedoms. To be inspired then To Inspire!
LOVE: Love is all we need. Love is what I desire to be my motivation for all things. Our Saviour loved us he gave His life for us. Everything we do needs to be because of love. If we love God we keep his commandments. Love means I speak kindly and forgive quickly. Love means how many times my kids frustrate me I will always love. Love means being genuine, understanding and putting others ahead of ourselves.
All of these words I know will take a lifetime of work. But I hope to work and develop them each and every day. What are your words? I would love to hear your thoughts and ideas on this topic.
I love talking about achieving dreams and chasing after your dream whatever it may be. I also enjoy being a dreamer myself but more importantly acting on my dreams!!! Often I’ve been called a fool for going after what seemed like impossible and crazy dreams but in the end have come out on top! That’s why I love saying dream chasers not just dreamers!!! In previous posts I have mentioned before that starting this blog was just a dream at one point but slowly and surely, it has become a reality thanks to you all out there reading and supporting me in this!! So thanks guys!!!!
Today thecoolgirlsguide.com wants to extend an opportunity out there for those who are interested in being a guest writer for their website. They are looking for women who want to write to help inspire other women achieve their dreams. If you feel you have some valuable information or experience to share, this may be an opportunity just for you. Or if you are wanting to get your name out there this could be a stepping stone for bigger things!!!
thecoolgirlsguide.com is targeted toward women who want to become successful in whatever aspect of life they are in. Whether you are a leader, entrepreneur, writer, geek, or diva they have something for you. They also showcase books written by women for women. If you are looking for extra support on your journey of chasing your dreams, this may be a good place to have a look. Being an entrepreneur can sometimes feel like a lonely journey at times but it doesn’t have to be. There are so many support groups out there!
So if this is something you may be interested go visit them right now!! Be a doer and don’t let opportunities just pass you by!!! Visit www.thecoolgirlsguide.com today!
So you walk in the house nearly tripping over one of the toys, feeling hungry and tired you realize dinner isn’t ready. Your children are running around the house screaming and playing and accidentally spill something on your shirt. Then your spouse greets you with “can you to help out with getting the kids ready for dinner?” You snap with frustration wishing that you had just stayed at work away from the chaos and the mess!!
Does this sound familiar to any of you out there?? Or maybe you have an argument and then later thinking what the argument was even about? Or you remember you snapped because or something insignificant like they didn’t call you back. I know this has happened to me many times before.
Energydrivenler.com have called these scenarios the Relationship Anger Trap – When things may not be going well at work, or in some other area of your life, and you let it build and build until you inevitably fall into this trap. It is usually a sequence of things that build up to the breaking point. It can be easily damaging to both your personal and professional relationships.
The point is we build up frustration points little by little every day and sometimes it can be over several days or weeks, eventually it has to be released somewhere. It’s sad, but the easiest place to release it is with the person you love or people you care for the most.
I know that for me my husband is the easiest one to get angry at, therefore I let my frustrations out on him which is totally not fair. A day may consist of a whiny clingy baby, then my parents or in-laws were frustrating me, my friend may have said something to offend me, the person at the grocery store looked angrily at my crying baby then lastly my husband walks through the door and he sits on the couch!!! All of sudden I get into hulk mode blow up at him for not coming to help me with getting dinner ready and say how terrible of a husband he is. My poor husband has no idea what my day was like then he gets mad at me for just yelling at him. (We are in this downward spiraling cycle) Little do I know he may have also had just as bad a day at school and work as well. RESULT: We both end up going the rest of the night angry and frustrated and not talking to each other… BAM we have been trapped in the Relationship Anger Trap!!! so crazy how small things can just end up in this huge mess right???!
For the unmarried sometimes we treat our parents, siblings or close friends this way and not realize how much we are hurting them. energydrivenleader.com have provided some suggestions…
- Make mental notes of any frustrations that have occurred during the day. Then decide what action you will take, or throw it into the mental trash bucket in your head.
- Never interpret what you “think” someone means in an email – call to clarify. I know I have been guilty of reading a text and made up a whole story that they must be angry at me because they responded this way. Communication is key!!!
- For working parents – before you walk through the door of your home give yourself a good shake (physically do this). Don’t carry tomorrow’s issues into your home. Charles Haddon Spurgeon stated, “It has been said that our anxiety does not empty tomorrow of its sorrow but only empties today of its strength.” learn more
There are thousands of things a relationship can do for someone. One of the most important is to present a mirror into our own behavior. Positive or negative we have the possibility to grow as a result of our relationships at work and home.
Dr Bob Rausch has developed many courses to help individuals ensure they have a balance between both work and home and to maintain healthy relationships wherever we go. If you are interested in learning more about leadership and ensuring you have the work life balance check out their website here they have many helpful articles for leaders who want to inspire and uplift those around them.
Trust your Passion. Identify your Dreams then find the courage to share that with others, no matter how many times they call you a fool – Bill Strickland
We all have dreams and they do change at different times in our life for example when I was 5 I wanted to be a famous singer like Selena but as I grew older that grew dimmer as I realized I didn’t have naturally fabulous vocals and it required more time than I wanted to put in therefore I changed my mind about becoming a famous singer haha But today I wanted to share my dream board during this time of my life. I love visuals and this is perfect to get a quick overview. I did this activity with my husband when we first got married for a date night.
1. Protect The Family Unit 2. Live my Faith 3. Education is Ongoing 4.Serving continuously 5.Fill mind with Positive and Motivational messages 6.Strive for Financial Freedom 7. Own my own Ride 8. Live Comfortably 9.Mastering the basics Health Wellbeing 10.Teaching Sharing Building/Lifting Others 11. Perfect my Marriage 12. Create Adventurous Memories 13.Creating the home as a safe Haven for my family.
What does your dreamboard look like? Would love to see hear some of your ideas of that which you hope to accomplish in your lifetime! We can do it and push aside negativity that may be holding us back from reachingthose dreams!