Tag: life coach


Budgeting for Family Vacations

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(photography by Conner and Tracy at the Grand Turks Island 2016)

We love going on family trips therefore we always need to factor in family vacations into our budget. We love going from the simple overnight camping trips, to staying at a bed and breakfast to going half-way across the world to visit my family in New Zealand.

My husband and I live a pretty simple life with one car, one phone and occasionally go out for a pizza or thai food once a week. We also live on a pretty tight budget since he is the only provider right now therefore we may have to scrimp at times but we never lack. We also have pretty strict rules on debt and the only debt we have is that of our house. We will never do trips or purchase anything if they put us in any financial burden. We maintain a good emergency fund of 6 months and find other ways to invest the rest. (So let’s say we scrimp on daily spending so we can enjoy more fun family vacations.) So there’s some background for you. Today I thought of sharing some ways that we budget for our family trips.

  1. Get a Vacation Calendar – This isn’t always the easiest when sometimes we end up going with other family members. But at least getting out a yearly calendar and slotting in the times when you want to go on vacation especially the big ones that you know for sure. Seeing the different times you want to go and where you want to go will help you allocate a budget to each vacation
  2. Budget – Now you know how many times you are going out of town and roughly estimate how much you will be spending at each place. Once you know how much you are spending at each place divide that by weekly or bi-weekly however you get paid to know how much you have to put aside each week for the trips.
  3. Get Creative – I am a firm believer if you don’t have the money for it and you want it then go out there and get the money for it. Life’s too short to go without! (to a certain degree) If the vacation is out of your budget then don’t just end it there, get creative!!! If this is something you really want you will make the money for it. Whether you pick up extra hours doing something on the weekend, sell extra things out of your house or start up a new craft to sell.
  4. Research – So for me I can go pretty extreme. I don’t care about where we stay…Just as long as I am there I will hitchhike to get around or sleep in my car if necessary . (it’s all part of the fun adventure for me) But do your research into all the free activities and all the discounted places you can find to eat, sleep and activities to do while there. The more research the better idea you have and how much money you will need to allocate to this place.  Many times they will charge you for having a tour but if you walked around yourself it would be free. Some people enjoy living luxuriously and that’s great every now and then but if I can save enough for another trip I am down for that!!
  5. Scale – If big trips are just out of your budget just opt for smaller trips around your hometown or a few cities or state away! These vacations are just as fun, they don’t need to be elaborate or fancy. The most important thing about vacations is dedicating extra time to be with the people you love the most and strengthening those bonds.

Vacations and Holidays are times for us to build family memories and to bond on a closer level. Therefore we value this time together as something extra. Yeah the photos are fun and posting it on social media has it perks but it’s no fun if you are going to be in debt for it. So be smart!

If you have any questions or comments feel free to message me at info@ourhappytalk.com. I would love to talk to you about strengthening your marriage and family and creating a vision for your family that you have dreamed of and making it a reality.


Am I ready for Marriage?

Lets face it we will never be completely and fully ready for anything in life? How many of us were ready to go to school for the first day? Or start a new job or college or anything. I know I wasn’t ever ready but I did it and I became better because I jumped in it with faith and hope and an attitude to work at it. Marriage is a big step and although we may never be completely ready for it there are some things that we can do to better prepare ourselves for this lifelong commitment. Here are some general questions to ask yourself if you are wondering if you are ready for this marriage thing!

Is my relationship with God priority above all else?

If you do not have solid foundations you will not be able to stand. Do you feel your relationship with God is superficial work on it? Your relationship with God is the foundation for any marriage if it is strong you will be able to withstand whatever trials that may come your way.

Have I fallen in Love with Myself?

One of the worst things a girl can do is going into a marriage being self-conscious, jealous and emotionally unstable. We need to love ourselves first. We need to have a deep knowledge and understanding and love of who we are wherever we are at in our life. When we can find love from within us we don’t need to compare ourselves to other women and feel insecure about ourselves. Many women break down and fall apart when their spouse isn’t there for them but as we know how to love ourselves wecan handle these situationsWe enjoy love from others but also know that we don’t heavily depend on it because our love from inside is greater and we know that we have a greater source of love which is God and His love is unconditional.

Am I willing to be Selfless in all aspects of my life?

Marriage is selfless. You need to be doing things for the sake of the marriage not for your own personal gain. From the children to your sexual intimacy marriage is doing things for each other.

Am I willing to be open and vulnerable in my marriage?

When we are open and vulnerable this is where REAL TRUST is built. When we communicate our true feelings and emotions it builds strength in your relationship. Some people may look at this as a sign of weakness but know that when you do this your partner will be able to confide in you as well and you start building true foundations of trust, love and commitment all because you were willing to be open and vulnerable.

Am I humble enough to admit fault and learn?

Humility is big if you are humble enough to know when you are wrong and also willing to admit fault this will take you a long way. Communicating is vital to let your partner know how you are feeling and expressing it in a loving and calm way.

Am I committed to being with this one person through thick and thin and accept where they are at?

Who you decide to marry is not going to change overnight. Too often we want to change them but the fact of the matter is we can’t change anybody. It has to come from within themselves. We as partners need to love them for where they are at and how far they have become. It does not mean we lose sight of their potential but we love them along this journey.

What would you add to the list? Would love to hear your thoughts? If you are working on some of these and would like to get some more personal advice I would love to talk to you. Email me at info@ourhappytalk.com.

xo Tracy


7 Topics to Discuss while Dating

Some of these topics may be hard to bring up especially during dating. But create an environment where you can discuss this openly and honestly. The more open and honest you are with these topics before marriage or serious courtship the less headache and heartache it will be down the road. Keep in mind that this is not the end all be all, opinions and views can change over years of being together.

Childhood Upbringing/Previous Relationships

How did your parents handle arguments? How did you communicate with your parents? How long before issues were solved in your home? What would you do different? What did you love about your upbringing? What were some difficulties in your previous relationships? Whether you realize it or not your upbringing has a massive part to play in how your relationship will unravel. Talking about what your families did and what you liked and didn’t like will help you and your partner know why you do the things you do and what things you want to change. Previous relationships also play a part if you came from a emotionally abusive relationship you may bring these emotions to your current relationship which may hinder your progress together. Talk and discuss ways you can start fresh with each other and not let the past affect what the bright future is able to hold for you both.

Faith and Core Value Beliefs

What church or congregation you want you family to go to? What values you want to instill in your children? What traditions you will be bringing into the home? What morals you wish your children to learn? Are you okay with your spouse having a different faith to you? With different cultures talk about the differences in beliefs and ways of thinking. Find a good mix between the two but don’t feel like all has to be set in stone right now.

Previous or Current Addictions

Have you viewed pornography? How often? To what extent? Have you been addicted to any drugs or alcohol or any form of medications? Knowing this may be able to help you understand your spouse a little better. If they seem to be going back down that track you have already discussed it previously and your partner may be able to help and give support during these times.

Finances

Do you have debt? How much debt do you have? How much are you willing to spend on a car? or shoes? How well do you save? Are we going to have a split or separate bank account? Talking about your finances in the beginning can save a lot of assumptions and headache down the line. Be open about where you are at financially so you can be there for each other and keep each other accountable as you both set goals together.

Autonomy & Boundaries

Do you like your independance? Do you enjoy doing hobbies alone or together? How often do you want to do your own thing? How often do you want to do things with your friends? Do you want a shared FB account? Do we share passwords for all email and social media accounts? Do we have a date night once a week? Do we go to our in laws one every other week?

Children

Do you see yourself having children? What if we can’t have children? Are you wanting or open to adoption? Who will be the stay home parent? Will you both be working? What kind of day care or education do you want your children to have? Will you be paying for college tuition? Children are a massive part of marriage and family life so let’s iron out some of the bigger topics.

Dream Life

Where are you living? What are you doing? Where do you see yourself? How do you vacation? What kind of home are you living in? What are things you want to accomplish? What things can you not live without? What things are you willing to compromise on? What things can you not stand in your current life?

Discuss these topics on a date night? Go through one each day take it slow and go into as much detail as you like. This exercise may take several weeks but as you do enjoy learning about each other and your views on life marriage and family.

 

 

 


When your spouse doesn’t show affection

IMG_3479smallDepending on how long you have been married you are probably so sick of trying to get your husband to remember anniversaries, birthdays, mother’s day or even just to be spontaneous and bring you flowers one day. When I first married my husband he was not very affectionate in those ways. When we took the love language test his top 3 were, words of affirmation, time and physical affection while mine was time and acts of service he started to realise what I loved and started to direct his actions towards my love language. But it didn’t happen immediately and I couldn’t force him anything against his will no matter how much I wanted to. The progress was slow and it took effort from the both of us, it required patience and understanding from each of us.

Evaluate Media Intake

How often are you watching movies and shows that show all the fairy tale relationships. While you and your spouse are trying to improve your relationship it would be helpful to decrease your intake of this type of media so you are not holding up crazy fairy tale expectations of your spouse. Even with social media when you see all your friends constantly posting all the fun things that their spouses do for them and there you are getting even more annoyed that your spouse isn’t doing the same thing! Until you are comfortable with where you are in your marriage have a media diet and limit your intake, it will be better for both your marriage and plus you will have more time for each other!!!!

Communicate

This is not a nagging session and finding fault session this is a time to to loving tell your spouse how you feel. Begin the conversation by saying things that you love that your spouse does. Show him that there are awesome things that they do! Then bring up that which are your personal concerns. If you set a time to regularly meet together to talk about deep relationship topics this may it be easier to express your concerns so your spouse knows this is something that you are both working on together and that there is consistent accountability on a weekly or monthly basis.

Give Credit for the Small

Give credit at every opportunity you can. We all work this way when somebody recognizes a good behaviour of ours we are like little kids and we want to do it over and over again. Try and spot those times when your spouse has made the effort big or small. If it was a phone call or even a text message let your spouse know you appreciate them thinking of you during the day and sending that thoughtful message.

5 Love Language Tests

Last but definitely not least!!!! Do this test learn what rings with each other, what makes you and your spouse feel loved. If you have even more time, take some time to read the book if you want to get in depth into it. Understanding each other is so important so you can be a lot more empathetic and loving and understanding to how each other does things and why they do things.

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11 Ways to Improve Intimacy in Marriage

DISCLAIMER: If posts like this make you blush feel free to skip this post and check out all our other posts to help strengthen your marriage and family. For those wanting to learn how to increase intimacy in marriage read on!


Intimacy is beautiful when able to be expressed in the bonds of matrimony. But like all beautiful things it does take effort, work, understanding and love.

At the beginning of any relationship it is completely normal for intimacy to be on a high. But just like all things in life the fun begins to wear off therefore we need to put more effort and work into it. We get comfortable and sometimes end up putting intimacy on the back-seat. We all need to realise that intimacy is a vital part of marriage where at the beginning it was more a physical thing but as you grow together intimacy becomes more about connecting and showing deeper emotional love for one another. You do have to bear in mind different phases of life that your spouse is going through, whether it is pregnancy, nursing, stress at work, or illness and be understanding and accommodate to these different circumstances! All couples go through cycles of highs and lows and sometimes lows last longer than we want. Today I have compiled some ideas to help you increase you sexual desire.

Pray Together

Never underestimate the power of prayer! Praying together with your spouse over improving your sex life is just as important as praying for school, work, family and whatever else there is.

Say No!

Ladies we take too much on! If what you are doing is taking putting too much stress on you and your family that by the end of the day you don’t want to do anything with your spouse you may just need to prioritise! Say no to things that will take your attention from the things that matter most! And don’t put your sex life at the bottom of the list!

De-stress

Too much stress increases the stress hormone cortisol, which causes testosterone to plummet. Find a way to tune out for 15 minutes a day, whether through meditation, yoga, chilling to music, or chilling with a friend.

Clear the Clutter

Clearing the mess in your bedroom will help you for sure get in the mood. You are not stumbling over kids toys or things all over the floor to romance your spouse. Having your room in order will allow you to focus on your spouse and not worrying about the load of laundry you are needing to do or any other things on your to do list in the upcoming days! Let’s hide the overwhelm for at least while you are in the bedroom!

Experiment

I can’t stress this one enough, experiment and try something new on a regular basis. Try new positions, new locations, music or anything to spice up your intimacy level. Experimenting allows you to feel more excited about getting into it and about what else you can do.

Fantasize

This can be difficult at the beginning and requires a lot of trust between the couple. But once you can express those desires to each other in a safe and loving environment it can boost your sexual desire big time! Remember that you need to respectful of each other’s boundaries and comfort levels. It is also vital to know fantasies are kept between both of you and inviting no one else into the fantasies is a big NO NO!

Exercise

Aerobic workouts (running, biking, swimming) not only improve blood flow to sex organs but can also boost your mood, pumping up “feel good” brain chemicals called endorphins. An increase in testosterone levels about one hour after working out can also leave you feeling sexier. Do avoid overstraining yourself, though, since extreme exercise actually lowers testosterone levels.

Abstain

Dr. Beiter says he encourages couples to “move away from a performance-based sexuality, where sex is typically defined as intercourse and mandatory orgasms.” Instead, he suggests taking up “pleasure-based sexuality, where the focus is on pleasure, fun and intimacy.” This allows you both to get excited and have some time to work up to the actual thing.

Date Nights

Plan a date night, of course! In fact, go ahead and e-mail this article to your spouse right now, asking him to make reservations at your favorite restaurant tonight. But really you need some alone time so find a babysitter and schedule this time out. Make it a regular occurrence at least 3 times a month minimum.

Health

If you feel there is a health issue that is preventing you from enjoying your sex life then visit a doctor. Also keep in mind that birth control pills and nursing also affects your desire for sex. Your doctor may be able to prescribe certain medication to help you solve issues you didn’t realize were there.

Timing and Schedule

If it really is difficult to get in the mood schedule it in!!! Schedule it during the time of day when you have a little more energy than usual. Leaving it right to the end of the day means that you will for sure be exhausted and you will for sure have the least desire. If at all possible to do a quickie in the morning or midday if you only have a limited amount of time.

New Hobbies

Recent research shows that partaking in new and challenging experiences with your partner can boost the brain chemical dopamine, which helps fuel sex drive. These don’t even need to be in the bedroom. Enter a race together, on a tandem bike. Get a little lost on a wilderness hike—without a map. Host a game night with friends where each couple kicks in $30 and the winning pair takes all.

For additional resources, consider reading any of the following books:

  1. The Sex Starved Wife: by Michele Weiner Davis
  2. Why Men Stop Having Sex: by Bob Berkowitz
  3. And We Were Not Ashamed: by Laura Brotherson

More couples than you realize consist of partners with varying sex drives. With open communication and the setting of attainable goals and expectations, you and your spouse CAN find happy medium in the bedroom!

If you would love more info or have questions on this topic I would love to talk to you! Feel free to message me at info@ourhappytalk.com to schedule a free mini coaching call!!!

xo best wishes


Environment for Open Communication

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Last month I talked about emotional abuse and the fear that this kind of behavior fosters in home and family environment. There are many ways emotional abuse can be rendered but today I wanted to touch on having open communication and creating this environment in our homes. Homes that are emotionally abusive can instill fear into members of the family which don’t allow for open communication to each other or even to people outside who may be able to help them.

I know firsthand how it feels to live in this fear as a child and how desperately afraid I was to say anything that would go against my parents beliefs. I was fearful of whether I would get the belt or a lecture lasting for several hours. In my parent’s defense they have been amazing to me and I am so grateful for all their sacrifices yet their parenting style was still of the old school ways. It was mainly my way or the highway and it was you listen to me because i’m older and i’m the boss and I know more than you. (Which in most cases when you are between 1-16years old proved to be right.) But as we got to be teenages we started pushing back and starting having our say, probably not the best way because all we did was try and replicate our views as forcefully as they did their views on us because that was the only way we knew how to communicate our views.

Fast forward to my marriage life I noticed me replicating many of these same behaviours. And it was hurting my husband emotionally especially because he knew there were better ways. I knew that I needed to communicate my views in a positive and more loving way. I knew that I had to create an environment in my home where my spouse would feel safe to communicate his feelings about our marriage and family without being afraid he will be teared down or that I will instantly lash out in defense. I also want my children to feel the same way to, that they are have a space to express emotion and be allowed to feel that emotion without ridicule or belittling.

From my personal experience here are 4 ways we can foster open communication in our homes:

Be Available

Schedule a time with your spouse and children when they know that you are there completely listening to them.  I know as a couple we need to have at least an hour of “marriage inventory” A week to have deep conversations about our concerns and goals etc. It’s not just the conversations of how was your day, but it’s the deeper questions that gets them to open up and express their true emotions. It’s great talking to them daily about their day but ensure at least once a week you can dedicate some time for serious alone conversations. If they know there is this time that they will get with you and it is consistent they will be able to develop this trust to open up to you.

Listen with Validation

Validation is allowing people to feel their emotions. I just read an amazing book by the lunds called I don’t have to make it all better where it talks about the power of validating others. Not trying to fix their problems but really listening with empathy. When your spouse say I have my boss is  controlling maniac!, don’t respond like my normal response  which would be don’t say that about your boss! That’s not a nice thing to say instead. we can respond with, sounds like he making your job harder, being told what to do is not pleasant at all. Allowing others to express their emotions allows them to feel through them and eventually be able to vent it out and can easily be led to finding their own solutions.

React with Understanding and Love

To often when we hear something we don’t like or disagree, we directly go into defensive mode or attack mode. In these times our family members need our love the most. They need our support at this crucial time as they are very vulnerable at these times. This is not the time to ridicule, teach or prove a point. This is the time to listen with empathy and love.

Be the Example

If you feel that there is terrible communication in your household BECOME THE ROLE MODEL. That’s all it really takes is one person showing how communication in the really should be. In my home it was my husband, he showed me how it was to have open communication with love. It took me awhile to get on the band wagon but it finally clicked and now our communication is a million times better than it use to be. (occassionaly I forget)   Our children watch us the most if they see the way that we communicate is through force, harshness, they too will do the same.

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Recognizing Signs of Emotional Abuse

IMG_4652smallRecognizing whether somebody is in a physically abusive relationship is a lot easier than noticing if somebody is in an emotionally abusive relationship. As time goes on we may become tolerant to this and accept the emotional abuse and make excuses for this. To a certain extent we don’t need to tolerate this but we can find ways to help them learn better habits. If they don’t see there is a problem and a need for them to change then seeing professional help may be the next step.

(Source: psychcentral.com)

  1. Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing:
    • Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?
    • Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?
    • When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?
    • Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?
  2. Domination, control, and shame:
    • Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?
    • Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”
    • Do they remind you of your shortcomings?
    • Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?
  3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings:
    • Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?
    • Are they unable to laugh at themselves?
    • Do they have trouble apologizing?
    • Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?
  4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect:
    • Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?
    • Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?
    • Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?
    • Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?
  5. Codependence and enmeshment:
    • Does anyone treat you not as a separate person but instead as an extension of themselves?
    • Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?
    • Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?
    • Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?

If reflecting on these question you see many in your relationship. It may be time to be open with your partner. It could be as simple as doing this test together and evaluating the outcome together. I am grateful my husband had the courage to be open with his feelings with me and to let me know that he was hurting from how I was treating him. It didn’t come overnight for me to recognize my behavior but in time it did. But if it goes beyond your abilities there is plenty of support out there to work through this.

Would love your feedback and comments about this. Let me know what you think. If you or somebody you know is going through something like this I would love to talk about or message me at info@ourhappytalk.com

Be Amazing!!! xo Tracy


Joking or Emotional Abuse

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Realization

We all know how it feels to be physically abused. But emotional abuse is something that has just shed light on me in the last year of being married. It started when a friend was talking about her step-mother being emotionally abusive to her father and how it was terrible for her and her family. I asked her what things did she do.. she went on to describe the things she did and I laughed and said “that’s everything I do and that’s totally my childhood of my family and other families I knew!” She didn’t seem to find it as funny as I did. I guess what was normal to me wasn’t so normal to somebody else. We ended that conversation awkwardly but it left me with the desire to further understand what emotional abuse was.

Generational Pattern

Emotional abuse is a more difficult to recognize and can go by unnoticed in a relationship for a very long time. Growing up in a polynesian community it is renowned fact that men are generally speaking the physical abusers. But thinking about the emotional abuse, I grew up seeing this mainly in the women in my family and community. Emotional abuse doesn’t just happen in couples in can happen in friendships between parent and child or with relatives.

Emotional abuse is when there is a regular occurrence of bullying, criticism, shaming, manipulation, verbal abuse etc. Growing up mocking and putting down was a tactic to motivate someone to do better, and just for entertainment. We use to just keep mocking until that person cried and that was usually the goal and it would be jackpot if they ended up crying. It was completely normal although many times we were really hurt inside but couldn’t show that we hurt otherwise we would be mocked even more. Mocking can be disguised as fun and jokes but usually are very personal and offend one to the point that it seeps into their subconscious.

For me I did notice that I was hurting my husband but I just kept telling him he needed to toughen up and man up to not take my mocks to heart. Or that he was just being too sensitive. What I didn’t realize is that It really did hurt him personally, and it made him feel less and insignificant and that is what mattered not what I thought but how he took it. It took me a while but I really didn’t learn and see examples of healthy communication around me that was the only form of communication I had learnt so I had to pick up on some healthy habits quickly.

Break the Cycle

While mocking take a moment to think are you trying to gain power over somebody. This is a key factor to bulling or being emotional abuse you want to be in power you want to have control over somebody. A person who does this can have many reasons to why they do this. They may have been mocked or abused as a child and are hurting and the way they cope with it is by trying to hurt other people verbally.  Whatever the case be, see that person for more than their actions. There are usually deeper issues that lie beneath. I know that this was the case for me. Support them and show them love so they can learn from good examples. If necessary offer support and help or kindly refer them to a professional of some sort to work out through these issues.

Jokes are fun but when they go beyond the point of fun and are mean then we got to take a couple of steps back!

Would love your feedback and comments about this. Let me know what you think. If you or somebody you know is going through something like this I would love to talk about or message me at info@ourhappytalk.com

Be Amazing!!! xo Tracy

 

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My Insecurities came out in my Marriage

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Growing up I never noticed that I had insecurities I had always thought of myself as a pretty confident person. I performed in front of hundreds of people, I wore what I wanted, I danced like nobody’s business and could sing down the aisle of a grocery store and not care about anybody around me. I didn’t start connecting any dots until I started noticing my marriage going downhill very early in our relationship. I was jealous, suspicious, afraid, self-conscious, controlling, and paranoid to say the least. It was driving both my husband and I crazy that I was feeling this way, when I knew I had no logical reasoning to feel this way. I had to figure this out and this is when I decided to get outside help.  I turned to reading lots self-help books, articles, and listening to marriage podcasts to try and figure out what was wrong with my husband. Eventually came to realize it was me who had to change. It was me who was still carrying deep emotional baggage from past experiences.

We all have insecurities within us to some degree or another and it’s okay to admit them. We have this wonderful thing called imagination that can help us create beautiful amazing things. Or it can take us the opposite direction of fear, anxiety of imagined situations that take control of our mind and body. Fear, doubt and anxiety can creep into our marriage anytime, whether it is because of past experiences that have caused deep wounds, expectations of ourselves and others or some recent rejection or failure. I have collected a few ideas to help those out there who may have been struggling like I did.

  • Recognize and Identify your Insecurities and understand WHY you feel that way? Go deep!
  • Tell the difference between imagination and reality. (If you don’t trust your husband is it because he’s something he has done or is it because past experiences you think may repeat again?) Write down all the reasons why that imagined situation is not true.
  • Avoid things that increase your insecurities: E.g. social media, unfollow friends that don’t help you boost your self-confidence or avoid movies or tv shows that decrease feeling of self-worth of yourself or your relationship
  • Create a New Story: Tell yourself new stories and live them. Use affirmations, declarations or reframes to help you paint a new picture or yourself and your marriage.
  • Talk to your spouse/partner about it. Be open with it and let him know what you are struggling with so he can be your support on this journey. When my husband understood my trust issues where because of experiences in my childhood he was very understanding and realized he wasn’t the problem.

This really isn’t an overnight process. It is something that I have to continuously work on. It can last from a few weeks to months even up to a year to work through these beliefs. It will take continuous effort but I know you can do it! The results are freeing and immeasurable! I promise as you continue to work on releasing and understanding your insecurities you will see greater happiness, freedom and joy in your life. Self reflecting really is the first step to improving one’s marriage and relationships.

If you have further questions I would love to talk to you. Leave your questions below or contact me with any questions at info@ourhappytalk.com.

You are amazing! You are worthy! You are Beautiful! xo Tracy


Story of an Addict to Entreprenur

againsttheoddsThis story is a wonderful example of how can make changes in the life for the better, a story of someone fighting against the odds and overcoming trials to get where he is today. We see so many stories of tech entrepreneurs that make millions from selling their Internet technology to the big tech giants. Though these stories are inspirational, they portray an image of success that few people can actually relate to. This is the story of Mr Wickstrom. We can all learn something or may be able to relate to his story. For me I learn that we all have the potential to change our destiny, change the outcome of our situations even though it seems like all odds are against us. They are in our hands. You may be in the situation to help change somebody’s life and direct them for the better. Whichever side of the spectrum we all may be able to influence for the good somewhere somehow.

The obstacles that young people face seem insurmountable. But no matter how bad it gets, no matter what mistakes you’ve made in the past, and no matter how old you are, you can overcome anything, become successful, and lead a respectable, healthy life. I say this because I overcame my battles with addiction, a battle that raged for more than 22 years. After winning my battle, I now run one of the largest holistic rehabilitation centers in the United States and help thousands of people every year beat their addiction and start a new promising life. This is the story of how I did it and what I learned throughout the process.

My battle with addiction

At the age of 14, my girlfriend broke up with me to be with one of my best friends. Overcome with grief, I sought comfort from any source that I could find and found my first beer. Instead of facing my problems, I learned to run away from them, and soon, beer lead to vodka, which lead to cocaine. Drugs became my way to escape any problems I had with family, money, relationships, or friends.

My battle with addiction raged for more than 20 years and four different treatment centers. It wasn’t until the age of 38 that I finally hit rock bottom: I could no longer play sports, I could no longer enjoy football games, and I could no longer hang out with my friends — all because of drugs. I was ready to become sober and found Narconon, the treatment center that changed my life.

I found a higher purpose

Narconon saved my life. After graduation, I had to make a choice about what I wanted to do with my career: I could either go back to selling things (I was a terrific salesperson for GM), or I could dedicate my life to helping people. I realized that I was given a second chance at life and thus, found my higher calling: a dedication to helping people beat their addiction, just like I did.

I opened up my own Narconon center and saved more than 6,000 people throughout the course of several years. It felt great to help people and make a true difference in this world.

The non-tech entrepreneur

Throughout my time leading a rehabilitation center, I studied and learned what techniques and methods were effective, and what weren’t. I dedicated myself to my craft and developed my own course, different than any other curriculum in the industry.

Inspired and powered by my higher calling, I took a loan from the bank and started my own rehabilitation center that followed my own curriculum. Three years later, I run the largest holistic rehabilitation center in the United States that helps thousands of people every year recover from addiction and start a new life.

Lessons learned

No one is going to do it for you — you have to do it yourself.

I’ve learned that nothing great is ever handed to you in life. When it came to addiction, no treatment center could have helped me until I made the personal commitment to do it for myself. Once I made that decision, I was able to utilize my intrinsic motivation to become sober.

Similarly, entrepreneurs succeed because of hard work and determination, not because of luck or a great idea. My business has succeeded and grown because I have dedicated my life to help rehabilitate people. It’s not about the money; it’s about the lives my company saves and the positive impact we make in society.

Play to your strengths and experience.

After I became sober, I didn’t try to learn how to code and build the next Instagram; instead, I evaluated my strengths and passions and decided how I could best utilize my skills to create a product for people that I could understand and can relate to.

Early in my career, I was one of the top salespeople for GM. I utilized my sales abilities to get a loan from the bank to start my own rehabilitation center. I then utilized the same sales abilities to show people why my curriculum is different and has a better chance at helping them beat their addiction than any other curriculum in the industry. It was my abilities that got us our first patients, which allowed us to grow to where we are today.

No matter how large the obstacle, you have it in you to overcome it and succeed in life. Use my story as fuel to light your fire, overcome your obstacles, and make a positive impact in society.

croppedPerWickstrom2Per Wickstrom is the president and founder of Best Drug Rehabilitation, a rehabilitation center focused on helping people beat their addiction through holistic and natural methods. For more on addiction and recovery visit their website bestdrugrehabilitation.com.



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