Tag: personal development


The Conscious Family – Episode 2: Setting Family Goals

 

  1. Find Problems or things that can be improved in the family. Identify the Goal
  2. Ensure everybody is on board with the Goal or has a say in the Goal
  3. Steps to achieving it & Identify obstacles that may prevent from achieving it
  4. Date to accomplish this  goal by. Or if it’s an ongoing goal how often you will revisit it.

Goals for Mummy and Daddy

  • Date Night Monthly
  • Temple Night Monthly
  • Quarterly Night Away
  • Weekly planning session

Goals for the Little Kids

  • Make Bed before breakfast
  • Pick up toys before dinner

Goals for Mummy and Daddy and Kids

  • Dinner or Breakfast Together 3times a Week
  • Morning and Evening Prayers and Scripture Reading
  • Pick up the house before Bedtime
  • No Electronics between 6-9pm
  • Family Vacation 2times a year

Budgeting for Family Vacations

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(photography by Conner and Tracy at the Grand Turks Island 2016)

We love going on family trips therefore we always need to factor in family vacations into our budget. We love going from the simple overnight camping trips, to staying at a bed and breakfast to going half-way across the world to visit my family in New Zealand.

My husband and I live a pretty simple life with one car, one phone and occasionally go out for a pizza or thai food once a week. We also live on a pretty tight budget since he is the only provider right now therefore we may have to scrimp at times but we never lack. We also have pretty strict rules on debt and the only debt we have is that of our house. We will never do trips or purchase anything if they put us in any financial burden. We maintain a good emergency fund of 6 months and find other ways to invest the rest. (So let’s say we scrimp on daily spending so we can enjoy more fun family vacations.) So there’s some background for you. Today I thought of sharing some ways that we budget for our family trips.

  1. Get a Vacation Calendar – This isn’t always the easiest when sometimes we end up going with other family members. But at least getting out a yearly calendar and slotting in the times when you want to go on vacation especially the big ones that you know for sure. Seeing the different times you want to go and where you want to go will help you allocate a budget to each vacation
  2. Budget – Now you know how many times you are going out of town and roughly estimate how much you will be spending at each place. Once you know how much you are spending at each place divide that by weekly or bi-weekly however you get paid to know how much you have to put aside each week for the trips.
  3. Get Creative – I am a firm believer if you don’t have the money for it and you want it then go out there and get the money for it. Life’s too short to go without! (to a certain degree) If the vacation is out of your budget then don’t just end it there, get creative!!! If this is something you really want you will make the money for it. Whether you pick up extra hours doing something on the weekend, sell extra things out of your house or start up a new craft to sell.
  4. Research – So for me I can go pretty extreme. I don’t care about where we stay…Just as long as I am there I will hitchhike to get around or sleep in my car if necessary . (it’s all part of the fun adventure for me) But do your research into all the free activities and all the discounted places you can find to eat, sleep and activities to do while there. The more research the better idea you have and how much money you will need to allocate to this place.  Many times they will charge you for having a tour but if you walked around yourself it would be free. Some people enjoy living luxuriously and that’s great every now and then but if I can save enough for another trip I am down for that!!
  5. Scale – If big trips are just out of your budget just opt for smaller trips around your hometown or a few cities or state away! These vacations are just as fun, they don’t need to be elaborate or fancy. The most important thing about vacations is dedicating extra time to be with the people you love the most and strengthening those bonds.

Vacations and Holidays are times for us to build family memories and to bond on a closer level. Therefore we value this time together as something extra. Yeah the photos are fun and posting it on social media has it perks but it’s no fun if you are going to be in debt for it. So be smart!

If you have any questions or comments feel free to message me at info@ourhappytalk.com. I would love to talk to you about strengthening your marriage and family and creating a vision for your family that you have dreamed of and making it a reality.


7 Topics to Discuss while Dating

Some of these topics may be hard to bring up especially during dating. But create an environment where you can discuss this openly and honestly. The more open and honest you are with these topics before marriage or serious courtship the less headache and heartache it will be down the road. Keep in mind that this is not the end all be all, opinions and views can change over years of being together.

Childhood Upbringing/Previous Relationships

How did your parents handle arguments? How did you communicate with your parents? How long before issues were solved in your home? What would you do different? What did you love about your upbringing? What were some difficulties in your previous relationships? Whether you realize it or not your upbringing has a massive part to play in how your relationship will unravel. Talking about what your families did and what you liked and didn’t like will help you and your partner know why you do the things you do and what things you want to change. Previous relationships also play a part if you came from a emotionally abusive relationship you may bring these emotions to your current relationship which may hinder your progress together. Talk and discuss ways you can start fresh with each other and not let the past affect what the bright future is able to hold for you both.

Faith and Core Value Beliefs

What church or congregation you want you family to go to? What values you want to instill in your children? What traditions you will be bringing into the home? What morals you wish your children to learn? Are you okay with your spouse having a different faith to you? With different cultures talk about the differences in beliefs and ways of thinking. Find a good mix between the two but don’t feel like all has to be set in stone right now.

Previous or Current Addictions

Have you viewed pornography? How often? To what extent? Have you been addicted to any drugs or alcohol or any form of medications? Knowing this may be able to help you understand your spouse a little better. If they seem to be going back down that track you have already discussed it previously and your partner may be able to help and give support during these times.

Finances

Do you have debt? How much debt do you have? How much are you willing to spend on a car? or shoes? How well do you save? Are we going to have a split or separate bank account? Talking about your finances in the beginning can save a lot of assumptions and headache down the line. Be open about where you are at financially so you can be there for each other and keep each other accountable as you both set goals together.

Autonomy & Boundaries

Do you like your independance? Do you enjoy doing hobbies alone or together? How often do you want to do your own thing? How often do you want to do things with your friends? Do you want a shared FB account? Do we share passwords for all email and social media accounts? Do we have a date night once a week? Do we go to our in laws one every other week?

Children

Do you see yourself having children? What if we can’t have children? Are you wanting or open to adoption? Who will be the stay home parent? Will you both be working? What kind of day care or education do you want your children to have? Will you be paying for college tuition? Children are a massive part of marriage and family life so let’s iron out some of the bigger topics.

Dream Life

Where are you living? What are you doing? Where do you see yourself? How do you vacation? What kind of home are you living in? What are things you want to accomplish? What things can you not live without? What things are you willing to compromise on? What things can you not stand in your current life?

Discuss these topics on a date night? Go through one each day take it slow and go into as much detail as you like. This exercise may take several weeks but as you do enjoy learning about each other and your views on life marriage and family.

 

 

 


Is this TRUE LOVE?

IMG_1400The million dollar question! When we are dating somebody and things have been going steady for a while figuring out if you are truly in love with this person can be a complicated question. For some people can be an ongoing question for years and years on end. There are many types of love, the love of a parent and a child, self love, love of humanity as a whole, superficial love and the list goes on. Today I wanted to focus on the most truest and purest Love ever known to humanity which is the True Love of God.

One of my favorite verse that talks about Love is that which talks about Charity in Corinthians. Charity is the pure love of Christ. We know that Christ had the purest form of love for us as shown by his sacrifice at the garden and on the cross.  Therefore as we try and evaluate our love for somebody we are free to compare it against this definition of Christ. Of course we will never reach his level of perfection but we can try to emulate his love.

Charity is the pure love of Christ. It is the love that Christ has for the children of men and that the children of men should have for one another. It is the highest, noblest, and strongest kind of love and the most joyous to the soul

Charity suffereth long

When you love somebody you are patient with their flaws. We are patient in all aspects whether they are suffering emotionally or physically. We see it through to the end. You understand they are not perfect but you are with them every step of the way in this journey.

Charity is Kind

Being around your boyfriend or husband may mean that they see sides of you that no one else sees. They get the tired you at the end of the day. They get grumpy snappy you. But this is no excuse they don’t deserve to be treated this way. Our spouse is the one we love the most, therefore we need to be our kindest self towards them.

Charity Envieth not

In marriage this can also be referred to as resentment in marriage. Sometimes we resent that our husbands get to go to work all day while we stay at home cleaning cooking and watching the kids. Sometimes we are envious that our wives stay home while we have to go make the money. Envy in marriage can come up in so many ways. So let’s try and appreciate what our situation brings. Let’s not be envious and play the score card game.

Charity seeketh not her own

Marriage is definitely not a selfish road. If that’s what you want you obviously should be looking elsewhere. Marriage is all about serving and loving and giving of yourself. Both husband and wife give of themselves to each other. One is not above the other we are looking to put their interests first always.

Charity is not easily provoked

Oh how easy is it to get bugged at the smallest little thing that your loved one does. It’s way too easy to get caught up in the weeds and not be able to see the bigger picture of the flowers blooming around. Sometimes it’s just easier to let things slip by, pick your battles my friends.

Charity thinketh no evil

Our imaginations are king at this. We love imagining up scenarios that we play in our minds that are seem totally true but in fact our a mere creation of our imagination. Let’s not assume that our partners are always trying to flirt or find someone new. Let’s not assume of the worst possible scenario. Let’s assume the best in our spouse and let them assume the best in us. That is where trust begins.

Charity rejoiceth in truth

Communicating to your spouse can be the hardest but the most rewarding thing you can do in a marriage. When you are open and honest with each other about all areas of your marriage, physical, sexual, financial, emotional you will be able to grow and excel to greater levels of intimacy and trust.

Charity Beareth & Endureth all things

Similar to the first, in marriage we work together to solve and workout whatever trials that come our way. Having charity which bearth all things means that we are there till the end when the going get tough, that is not our time to call it quits we will see it through together until the end.

Charity Believeth & Hopeth all things

Marriage means that you believe and have faith in your marriage. You have a positive and optimistic hope in your marriage that things will work out. You have faith in each other and help see the great things that you can accomplish together. You set a wonderful vision for where our marriage is heading and you have hope and faith in what the future will bring for your marriage and family.

If you can tick these off in the ways you feel for your partner you can know that you working towards true love. As husband and wife or partners this is our goal and our aim to develop this kind of love for our spouse. The same kind of love that Christ has for us. His love is perfect and it never faileth!

I would love to hear your thoughts on this piece. If you have questions or thoughts comment or message me at info@ourhappytalk.com.

With Love xo


11 Ways to Improve Intimacy in Marriage

DISCLAIMER: If posts like this make you blush feel free to skip this post and check out all our other posts to help strengthen your marriage and family. For those wanting to learn how to increase intimacy in marriage read on!


Intimacy is beautiful when able to be expressed in the bonds of matrimony. But like all beautiful things it does take effort, work, understanding and love.

At the beginning of any relationship it is completely normal for intimacy to be on a high. But just like all things in life the fun begins to wear off therefore we need to put more effort and work into it. We get comfortable and sometimes end up putting intimacy on the back-seat. We all need to realise that intimacy is a vital part of marriage where at the beginning it was more a physical thing but as you grow together intimacy becomes more about connecting and showing deeper emotional love for one another. You do have to bear in mind different phases of life that your spouse is going through, whether it is pregnancy, nursing, stress at work, or illness and be understanding and accommodate to these different circumstances! All couples go through cycles of highs and lows and sometimes lows last longer than we want. Today I have compiled some ideas to help you increase you sexual desire.

Pray Together

Never underestimate the power of prayer! Praying together with your spouse over improving your sex life is just as important as praying for school, work, family and whatever else there is.

Say No!

Ladies we take too much on! If what you are doing is taking putting too much stress on you and your family that by the end of the day you don’t want to do anything with your spouse you may just need to prioritise! Say no to things that will take your attention from the things that matter most! And don’t put your sex life at the bottom of the list!

De-stress

Too much stress increases the stress hormone cortisol, which causes testosterone to plummet. Find a way to tune out for 15 minutes a day, whether through meditation, yoga, chilling to music, or chilling with a friend.

Clear the Clutter

Clearing the mess in your bedroom will help you for sure get in the mood. You are not stumbling over kids toys or things all over the floor to romance your spouse. Having your room in order will allow you to focus on your spouse and not worrying about the load of laundry you are needing to do or any other things on your to do list in the upcoming days! Let’s hide the overwhelm for at least while you are in the bedroom!

Experiment

I can’t stress this one enough, experiment and try something new on a regular basis. Try new positions, new locations, music or anything to spice up your intimacy level. Experimenting allows you to feel more excited about getting into it and about what else you can do.

Fantasize

This can be difficult at the beginning and requires a lot of trust between the couple. But once you can express those desires to each other in a safe and loving environment it can boost your sexual desire big time! Remember that you need to respectful of each other’s boundaries and comfort levels. It is also vital to know fantasies are kept between both of you and inviting no one else into the fantasies is a big NO NO!

Exercise

Aerobic workouts (running, biking, swimming) not only improve blood flow to sex organs but can also boost your mood, pumping up “feel good” brain chemicals called endorphins. An increase in testosterone levels about one hour after working out can also leave you feeling sexier. Do avoid overstraining yourself, though, since extreme exercise actually lowers testosterone levels.

Abstain

Dr. Beiter says he encourages couples to “move away from a performance-based sexuality, where sex is typically defined as intercourse and mandatory orgasms.” Instead, he suggests taking up “pleasure-based sexuality, where the focus is on pleasure, fun and intimacy.” This allows you both to get excited and have some time to work up to the actual thing.

Date Nights

Plan a date night, of course! In fact, go ahead and e-mail this article to your spouse right now, asking him to make reservations at your favorite restaurant tonight. But really you need some alone time so find a babysitter and schedule this time out. Make it a regular occurrence at least 3 times a month minimum.

Health

If you feel there is a health issue that is preventing you from enjoying your sex life then visit a doctor. Also keep in mind that birth control pills and nursing also affects your desire for sex. Your doctor may be able to prescribe certain medication to help you solve issues you didn’t realize were there.

Timing and Schedule

If it really is difficult to get in the mood schedule it in!!! Schedule it during the time of day when you have a little more energy than usual. Leaving it right to the end of the day means that you will for sure be exhausted and you will for sure have the least desire. If at all possible to do a quickie in the morning or midday if you only have a limited amount of time.

New Hobbies

Recent research shows that partaking in new and challenging experiences with your partner can boost the brain chemical dopamine, which helps fuel sex drive. These don’t even need to be in the bedroom. Enter a race together, on a tandem bike. Get a little lost on a wilderness hike—without a map. Host a game night with friends where each couple kicks in $30 and the winning pair takes all.

For additional resources, consider reading any of the following books:

  1. The Sex Starved Wife: by Michele Weiner Davis
  2. Why Men Stop Having Sex: by Bob Berkowitz
  3. And We Were Not Ashamed: by Laura Brotherson

More couples than you realize consist of partners with varying sex drives. With open communication and the setting of attainable goals and expectations, you and your spouse CAN find happy medium in the bedroom!

If you would love more info or have questions on this topic I would love to talk to you! Feel free to message me at info@ourhappytalk.com to schedule a free mini coaching call!!!

xo best wishes


Marriage Interview: Kaufusi Family

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Pauline and Maverick Kaufusi met in high school they were in the same history class. She goes to say “We stayed good friends. I went to BYUH and returned as a BYUH intern to Tonga in 2013. We hung out again. And he randomly asked me to marry him. I didn’t know if it was for real and so we ended up playing it out like he was just playing around. Long story short i didn’t finish my mission papers and we got engaged and got married oct 2014”

  1. What was your top qualities in looking for a spouse?

So my top qualities i was looking for in a spouse was someone who I could see myself as close to him as I my mum am to my dad. I wanted good conversation, someone I could just be myself with and it wasn’t a chore to try make conversation or try and pretend like I wanted to hang out. I don’t know if that makes any sense. Also it was top priority that i got married in the temple, if it wasn’t the temple then sorry mate you’re not for me! I wanted to make sure he would always treat me well in public as well as behind closed doors. He needed to respect me as well as other women regardless.

  1. What has been the biggest adjustment for you being married?

I think the biggest adjustment for me was having to consult someone about my decisions big or small. I moved out of home at 14 and boarded then went on to university and flatted so I was always used to making my own decisions, spending time/money on whatever I wanted. So adjusting was a learning process. Simply remembering to include my husband in decision making. It was also difficult for my husband too because he felt I was independent and I didn’t need him enough so I had to balance and include him in our decisions

  1. What was the best advice someone gave to for marriage?

My young women’s president in youth told me “Don’t give up an eternity of happiness for a few moments of satisfaction” this helped me in the dating stages to hold my standards high and wait for someone who is ready for the temple.

  1. What has been the most enjoyable part of marriage?

The most enjoyable part of marriage is being over the “playing hard to get” stage. Once you are past that it’s all fun and games. Also the best is not have to say goodbye at night and he go home or I go home. That was always a pain when dating

  1. What have you done to get through your tough times in marriage?

Tough times in our marriage has been a learning process but when we can’t stand each other my husband would just say we are in this forever so either way angry or not I’m still the one you will wake up to in the morning. So we just take time to cool off I always want to talk about it but sometimes we just get over it and it’s easier that way. In the end it doesn’t matter who’s right.

Marriage is a fun and great experience, I thought I loved my husband when I was dating and when I married him. But I learn more and more about him every day and even after knowing his flaws I continue to love him. Like he says we are in this forever. There’s no going back!!!

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Recognizing Signs of Emotional Abuse

IMG_4652smallRecognizing whether somebody is in a physically abusive relationship is a lot easier than noticing if somebody is in an emotionally abusive relationship. As time goes on we may become tolerant to this and accept the emotional abuse and make excuses for this. To a certain extent we don’t need to tolerate this but we can find ways to help them learn better habits. If they don’t see there is a problem and a need for them to change then seeing professional help may be the next step.

(Source: psychcentral.com)

  1. Humiliation, degradation, discounting, negating. judging, criticizing:
    • Does anyone make fun of you or put you down in front of others?
    • Do they tease you, use sarcasm as a way to put you down or degrade you?
    • When you complain do they say that “it was just a joke” and that you are too sensitive?
    • Does anyone regularly ridicule, dismiss, disregard your opinions, thoughts, suggestions, and feelings?
  2. Domination, control, and shame:
    • Do you feel that the person treats you like a child?
    • Do they constantly correct or chastise you because your behavior is “inappropriate?”
    • Do they remind you of your shortcomings?
    • Do they give disapproving, dismissive, contemptuous, or condescending looks, comments, and behavior?
  3. Accusing and blaming, trivial and unreasonable demands or expectations, denies own shortcomings:
    • Do they accuse you of something contrived in their own minds when you know it isn’t true?
    • Are they unable to laugh at themselves?
    • Do they have trouble apologizing?
    • Do they make excuses for their behavior or tend to blame others or circumstances for their mistakes?
  4. Emotional distancing and the “silent treatment,” isolation, emotional abandonment or neglect:
    • Do they use pouting, withdrawal or withholding attention or affection?
    • Do they not want to meet the basic needs or use neglect or abandonment as punishment?
    • Do they play the victim to deflect blame onto you instead of taking responsibility for their actions and attitudes?
    • Do they not show empathy or ask questions to gather information?
  5. Codependence and enmeshment:
    • Does anyone treat you not as a separate person but instead as an extension of themselves?
    • Do they not protect your personal boundaries and share information that you have not approved?
    • Do they disrespect your requests and do what they think is best for you?
    • Do they require continual contact and haven’t developed a healthy support network among their own peers?

If reflecting on these question you see many in your relationship. It may be time to be open with your partner. It could be as simple as doing this test together and evaluating the outcome together. I am grateful my husband had the courage to be open with his feelings with me and to let me know that he was hurting from how I was treating him. It didn’t come overnight for me to recognize my behavior but in time it did. But if it goes beyond your abilities there is plenty of support out there to work through this.

Would love your feedback and comments about this. Let me know what you think. If you or somebody you know is going through something like this I would love to talk about or message me at info@ourhappytalk.com

Be Amazing!!! xo Tracy


My Insecurities came out in my Marriage

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Growing up I never noticed that I had insecurities I had always thought of myself as a pretty confident person. I performed in front of hundreds of people, I wore what I wanted, I danced like nobody’s business and could sing down the aisle of a grocery store and not care about anybody around me. I didn’t start connecting any dots until I started noticing my marriage going downhill very early in our relationship. I was jealous, suspicious, afraid, self-conscious, controlling, and paranoid to say the least. It was driving both my husband and I crazy that I was feeling this way, when I knew I had no logical reasoning to feel this way. I had to figure this out and this is when I decided to get outside help.  I turned to reading lots self-help books, articles, and listening to marriage podcasts to try and figure out what was wrong with my husband. Eventually came to realize it was me who had to change. It was me who was still carrying deep emotional baggage from past experiences.

We all have insecurities within us to some degree or another and it’s okay to admit them. We have this wonderful thing called imagination that can help us create beautiful amazing things. Or it can take us the opposite direction of fear, anxiety of imagined situations that take control of our mind and body. Fear, doubt and anxiety can creep into our marriage anytime, whether it is because of past experiences that have caused deep wounds, expectations of ourselves and others or some recent rejection or failure. I have collected a few ideas to help those out there who may have been struggling like I did.

  • Recognize and Identify your Insecurities and understand WHY you feel that way? Go deep!
  • Tell the difference between imagination and reality. (If you don’t trust your husband is it because he’s something he has done or is it because past experiences you think may repeat again?) Write down all the reasons why that imagined situation is not true.
  • Avoid things that increase your insecurities: E.g. social media, unfollow friends that don’t help you boost your self-confidence or avoid movies or tv shows that decrease feeling of self-worth of yourself or your relationship
  • Create a New Story: Tell yourself new stories and live them. Use affirmations, declarations or reframes to help you paint a new picture or yourself and your marriage.
  • Talk to your spouse/partner about it. Be open with it and let him know what you are struggling with so he can be your support on this journey. When my husband understood my trust issues where because of experiences in my childhood he was very understanding and realized he wasn’t the problem.

This really isn’t an overnight process. It is something that I have to continuously work on. It can last from a few weeks to months even up to a year to work through these beliefs. It will take continuous effort but I know you can do it! The results are freeing and immeasurable! I promise as you continue to work on releasing and understanding your insecurities you will see greater happiness, freedom and joy in your life. Self reflecting really is the first step to improving one’s marriage and relationships.

If you have further questions I would love to talk to you. Leave your questions below or contact me with any questions at info@ourhappytalk.com.

You are amazing! You are worthy! You are Beautiful! xo Tracy


Marriage Spotlight: Two Islands Meet

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Bio: Stacey Ahokava is 24 years of age and has been married for 6 months and 5 days. They currently have no children yet. She is of Samoan descent and her husband is of Tongan descent. She is currently working full-time supporting  her husband as he is in his final year of Engineering. She loves spending time with family and loves her tongan food especially Otai! We are privileged to hear some of her experiences and thoughts in the first 6 months of their marriage.

1. What was your biggest fear before marriage?
My biggest fear was not knowing what to expect after marriage. I was a little hesitant when my husband even brought the idea up haha. He played a song at the pier and slow danced with me asking what I thought about marriage and I asked why? Why so soon? Why not wait? I took a leap of faith going into this. I was excited but in saying that I was so scared. My parents have separated and I often felt inadequate but with a lot of support from my family and especially my husband, I was able to get sealed in the temple for all time and eternity.
2. What has been the biggest adjustment for you being married?
The biggest adjustment would have to be the time spent together. Before marriage, I would spend most of my time with my little cousins who I treat as my own and I don’t think they’ve adjusted well lol. I was always with my family. My family are my everything! When my husband came along they (my little cousins) weren’t too happy and did not welcome him with open arms hahaha. Living together was weird at first but I love having someone to talk/cry/laugh to every night before I go to sleep. Having someone to hold hands, kneel and say prayers with. Having someone to go on dates with. Having someone to sit next to at church. Having someone I can call mine haha It’s not about me anymore and what I want, it’s about us and what’s best for us.
3. What was the best advice someone gave to for marriage?
The best advice I’ve been given would have to be what I often hear at Church and that is to always look at the eternal perspective. After I got baptised less than two years ago, I started going to Institute. My husband (boyfriend at the time) was teaching the Book of Mormon Class so I went on my own to the Eternal Marriage class (bear in mind we were just dating at the time, not sure why I went to that class. I must’ve been following the spirit haha). They taught about man’s view in comparison to God’s view. I’ll never forget that lesson. Not because I was paying real close attention due to the no friends I had in that class haha, but because I understood. For so long, I was living in “man’s view” and I had progressed very little, if any. Seeing that made me appreciate all the trials I went through. And that the choices I made from that day on, will affect me and the progress I make each and every day. “Line upon line. Here a little, and there a little.” Some days are tougher than others, but I’m happy that my husband and I have both gained that eternal perspective to help us make better decisions not only for this life, but into eternity.

4. What has been the most enjoyable part of marriage?
My favourite part of marriage is knowing that I am sealed to my eternal companion for all time and eternity! Even if he leaves me in this life, he’s still stuck with me haha. Nah but seriously, he is one of my greatest blessings. Having him around is always fun. He easily knows how to get out of the doghouse and he’s always making me laugh and is pushing me out of my comfort zone. He knows I like to stay in the “safe zone” and I love that he sees my potential and pushes me to be a better person than I was yesterday (I don’t love it at the time though haha). As I said before, I’m a convert to the LDS faith. I’ve been a member going onto two years now. & my husband converted when he was young. I was a Catholic and he a Methodist. I’m still learning about the Gospel as I’m sure he is too. Especially as we plan to extend our little family soon maybe next year or the year after lol. Every day I wake up thankful to have an amazing husband, to have a priesthood holder in my home and to be with my best friend every day. That’s the most enjoyable part.

5. What have you done to get through your tough times in marriage?
My husband and my mother in-law have both told me this. It’s one thing I didn’t quite understand or accept but learnt to do so over time. My wonderful mother in-law also shared this recently in Relief Society. When I was first introduced to my in-laws, I was scared. After much praying haha, I eventually met them and I was on my best behaviour. Like never before haha. After meeting me my husband asked my mother in-law what she thought about me, and she said she looked at me as a daughter of our Heavenly Father. Now at the time when I first heard this I was confused. Until I later understood the blessings of this statement. Quite often I’m singing “I Am a Child of God” but did I believe it? Probably not. Ask me again if I do now, I do! I have learnt to understand that not only am I one, but everyone else is too. We are all His children and He loves each and every one of us. My worth and understanding of the love my Saviour has for me have helped immensely when getting through the tough times in marriage. My husband and I have gone through a lot of trials in just the last six months of marriage and I’m grateful for this knowledge because it calms me hahaha. It helps me. I’m always asking myself “would my Father approve of my choices? Would he be proud of me?” My ultimate goal is to return to him, with my family. I know the trials I’ll face won’t get easier, but because I have a testimony of the Gospel, I know these will all be worth it. After all, I am a Child of God and He has sent me here. :):):)

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Developing Positive Self Talk {INNER BEAUTY SERIES}

A little criticism can be good so we can find areas to work on, but the problem is many of us take it too far. Why do we talk so negatively to ourselves? We are supposed to be our number one cheerleader and we are the first ones to put ourselves each day.

Over the long term negative self-talk can turn into high stress levels and depression. It will also cause us to believe whatever story we are telling ourselves whether it is true or not. (Most of the times they are lies!)

My Story

Before starting my blog, I was really scared to start a blog. Scared what people will think of me, scared what people will say about me and the list goes on. This hindered me starting and sharing my blog for the longest time. I would delay and make excuses. I would tell myself that I had nothing worth sharing. I am not educated enough. I can’t proofread to save my life. I can’t ever turn it into something of worth. I can’t I can’t I can’t!!! Eventually I had to learn how to self-talk positively in this area so I could do what I hoped for. I had to get support and encouragement from my husband and close family. I started small and slowly started to build up confidence. Although my blog still has a long way to go I am happy that I abolished the self-talk in my head. I have seen so many amazing stories from my blog and how it’s influenced others to do their own. If I only touch one person I am satisfied and if that one person is my I am one satisfied woman that I have overcome the negative self-talk.

Remedy

  1.  Recognize your negative self-talk – Take a little journal around and recognize the negative things you say to yourself throughout the day. The more you recognize it the more likely you are able to stop it in its tracks
  2. Create Positive Phrases – To counteract those negative thoughts when they come in. Repeat these positive phrases over and over in the morning and evening and any other time to tell yourself a new story
  3. Recognize source of negative talk – Ask yourself and think a little deeper about why you might be talking negatively. What is the real problem here? If you can dig down deep into the roots you will realize why you are talking negative. For example in my story above I was talking negatively to myself because I was afraid and fearful to what others thought of me. I was trying to protect myself even though I didn’t need it.
  4. Don’t Compare! – You are just setting yourself up for disappointment or even temporary happiness. You can’t compare your weaknesses with others strengths.
  5. Question your negative self-talk – If you say you can’t ask yourself why do you think you can’t. Is there any possible solutions? Can I take the chance to look into this further? Could I make this possible? This gives you opportunity to analyze and possibly turn the situation around instead of just ending at I can’t!

What is your negative self-talk preventing you from accomplishing? What has it stopped you accomplish? Have did you manage to overcome your negative self-talk? Leave your comments below I would love to hear from you!

 



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